| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 545.1 | Relationship-chatter kills relationships (IMO) | PENUTS::HNELSON | Resolved: 194# now, 175# by May | Tue Jan 08 1991 12:14 | 8 |
| I have one strong suggestion: that you NOT talk about relationships,
either yours with your ex- or yours with your date or anyone with
anyone else's. You are monomaniacally preoccupied with relationships
(I'm guessing on my five-month's divorced brother's model). She isn't.
Talk about your job, current events, music, even the weather.
JMHO - Hoyt
|
| 545.2 | | QUARK::LIONEL | Free advice is worth every cent | Tue Jan 08 1991 13:42 | 10 |
| It's natural to be nervous in your position. I was the same at one time
(except for me it had been 9 years of marriage and several before that of
monogamous dating). I would agree with Hoyt's advice and also add that
you should try not to consider this friendly lunch a "do or die" proposition.
By that I mean don't act as if your whole future with this woman depended on
this one lunch. Try not to cram in your whole life's story in the short time.
Relax and enjoy her company. Don't worry about tomorrow.
Steve
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| 545.3 | Thanks. | DPDMAI::EORDOGH | Imre Atilio Eordogh Teran.. Alias M | Tue Jan 08 1991 14:09 | 8 |
|
Thanks for the replys. One thing that I have learn in the past 8 month,
is tha yesterday is gone, Tomorrow does not exist, and TODAY belongs to
ME.
Thanks,
Imre E.
|
| 545.4 | FWIW | BIGUN::SIMPSON | Damn your lemon curd tartlet! | Tue Jan 08 1991 23:50 | 13 |
| One of the inevitable side effects of divorce is a loss of self-esteem.
After all, your relationship (and by implication, yourself) failed,
right? Therefore, who would be interested in me, right? And so it
goes.
First, accept that you obviously have personal value and merit. After
all, she accepted your request for lunch. If she didn't like you she
would most probably have turned you down.
Second, engrave on the inside of your eyelids that she is NOT your
shrink. Instead, ask her a few questions, and respond to and about her
answers. That'll make her feel like she's being valued, break the ice,
and before you know it you'll have relaxed.
|
| 545.5 | WHAT I WOULD DO IN THAT CASE | ULYSSE::SOULARD | SOPHISME ANTIPOLIA | Wed Jan 09 1991 12:15 | 20 |
| Hi,
May be it is because I am french but in that case I would not speak
of me. The wife doesn't like the men who think they are the center of
the world. Just answer her questions about you, but quickly. Remain a
little secret, she will be intrigued.
Make so that she speaks of her, her life, what she likes, what she
does, her job, what she normally does during holidays, the countries
she visited..... The wife like speaking of herself and furthermore
she will be happy to see that your are so interested in her that you
want to know more about her. Be carefull, the danger is to ask
indiscrete questions, avoid that.
I think I would do that, but it may be because of my personality
and culture.
Cheers,
THIERRY (Ulysse is in VALBONNE - FRANCE - UNITED STATES OF EUROPE)
|
| 545.6 | \ | PEKING::BAKERT | Too HOT to handle,too COOL to be BLUE | Wed Jan 09 1991 14:21 | 9 |
| Just remember , she is probably just as nervous and she is no Godess
she won't have you hung or eat you for breakfast if you show
nervousness....being nervous can only show that you care about the
situation !
have fun...but I agree stay away from talking relationships !!
Tracie.
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| 545.7 | plan ahead | CSC32::HADDOCK | All Irk and No Pay | Wed Jan 09 1991 17:10 | 9 |
| Go through the newspaper or some magazines and select a list of topics
to talk about. Memorize the list. Burn it. Make a second list of
questions to ask her about herself. Memorize it. Burn it.
****DON'T TALK ABOUT YOUR EX****.
Happy Huntin',
fred();
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| 545.8 | but... | FSTTOO::BEAN | Attila the Hun was a LIBERAL! | Thu Jan 10 1991 07:39 | 10 |
| if she actually leads you into conversation about relationships and
your ex... don't tell her that all the 'guys' in men-notes have told
you not to talk about those things!
just kiddin'
have a good time... relax and enjoy
tony
|
| 545.9 | Ok, that was Jan 8th. How the date go ? | AHIKER::EARLY | Bob Early T&N EIC /US-EIS | Thu Jan 10 1991 12:55 | 15 |
| re: -< Need Advice.... Help >-
>I heve been divorce for 8 month, and today I have a lunch date with a
~~~~~
Ok Imre, that was Jan 8th !
How'd the lunch date go ?
-BobE
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| 545.10 | | DPDMAI::EORDOGH | Imre Atilio Eordogh Teran.. Alias M | Thu Jan 10 1991 14:58 | 19 |
|
Well just be a liltle patient......
Luch was cancel... It was one of those situation that work came
first. I Know some of you may said, (You gave up luch with
beautiful lady.. for work) but as I mention.. Is one of those
situation.
But the good news is that I asked her if she wanted to go out for
dinner on Friday (1/11/91)... No answer yet.
One favor, that not only need from this notesfile but also from
the ladies notesfile, and that is some support, the same kind of
support that all of you have given me in previous replys.
I thank all of you,
Imre E.
|