Conference quark::mennotes-v1

    I am a father three times over and these have been the most
    magnificent and moving occasions of my life.  The sharing with my wife
    of such an event drew us closer together.
    
    As they grow older (the oldest child is now 7) I find fatherhood the
    most enriching of all my relationships beyond that with my wife.
    
    The best part of my life is when my little girl looks into my eyes,
    says "I love you Daddy!", kisses me and then continues in rushing
    around.
    
    Fatherhood - the antidote to cynicism.
    
    - ���

    I would have to say that one of the most precious parts of being
    a father is when my three year old sees me drive up from his bedroom
    window, halls fanny almost killing himself, to the front door....
    all the way shouting "ma daddy's home! My dady's home!"
    damn!  does that feel good.....

    My experiences:
    
    Tenderness and love:  When Jamie and/or Justin hug me and tell me
    they love me.
    
    Excitment:  When they experience new accomplishments, Justin learning
    to swing and ride a bike, Jamie earning a new merit badge in cub
    scouts.
    
    Amazement:  Justin reading and memorizing verbatum in one pass, Jamie
    reciting facts in science far in advance of his educational experience.
    
    Fear:  Fearing for their safety in a new situation, first day at
    camp or school.
    
    Sadness:  When Jamie tell me he does not want to come over for
    visitation, defeat in quest for placement for Justin in private
    school.
         
    Joy:  To experience their triumphs big and small in life, and help
    them thru and to understand their downfalls.
    
    What it means to be a DAD (other note father vs daddy), to experience
    all of these things and more and still no matter what happens have
    more space and more love for my children.   To pass on and develop
    a good set of values that they can depend on for times to come.
    To let them know that I love them no matter where they go or what
    they do.
    
                                   Jim

    
    I've always looked foward to having children.  It wasn't until I
    had them that I found out several things about myself.  I realized
    I wasn't immortal, so I am more careful at what I do.  I am very
    protective of my daughters.  To come home from work and have my
    two year old come running to me along with getting a nice big smile 
    along with acompanying arm and leg flailing from my five month old
    are the highlights of my day.  When my kids are sick, so am I.  When 
    they hurt themselves so do I hurt.  I looked at some pictures the
    other day of Genna last halloween.  I cannot believe how big she's
    getting.  They grow up too damn fast.  One of my best moments was
    when Genna at 1 1/2 years gave me a hug and told her she was proud
    of me, out of the blue.  Some of my favorite things to hear.  "I
    love you daddy., Daddy know what? (Me: What Genna.)  Your my friend.
    
    Yep, being a Father, getting married, and my faith in the Lord are
    the most rewarding things and the things in my life which I have
    done that are 100% right.  Boy am I lucky.
    
                                                      Mike          
    
          

    Being a father is so many different things at different times that
    one can not hope to impart any real sense of how it feels to one
    who has not been there (except, perhaps to one who is a mother).
    
    It's watching your children's birth and remembering for the first 
    time in ages what it was like to be a kid at Christmas and find what
    you really wanted under the tree.  And it's wondering what you did
    to deserve this tiny life that was put in your care.
    
    It's discovering the remarkable truth that you can love each of
    your children with all of your heart and never run out of heart.
    
    It's unspeakable joy at a hand that reaches for your support.  It's
    indescribable worry when your kid doesn't come off the school bus.
    It's unfathomable sorrow when your adolescent rejects you.
    
    It's wanting to do anything to spare your kid from pain, and not
    often knowing how.
    
    It's hoping that your kids will someday realize how you felt about
    them, and forgive you for not always doing everything right.
    
    It's wondering why you're here writing this note when you could
    be with them.
    
    Bye.

    
    Becoming a father is without a doubt the best thing thats ever happened
    to me. My wife and I have two beautiful daughters together and they
    mean so much to me. When the 2 1/2 year old Michelle tells me about
    her day or yells for me when they all pull into the driveway it
    just makes me feel special. I enjoy watching them grow and learning
    all about the world  around them. The youngest is Jenna at 1 1/2.
    She is starting to talk and loves her daddy to pieces. It is great
    being a father, I don't know how else to put it. 
    
    I also have the honor of being step-father to my wifes 8 year old
    daughter Jessica. 
    
    Fatherhood- one of lifes biggest joys!!!

    How do you encapsule such a thing? My life changed dramatically
    in becoming a father (for the better of course). It's like experiencing
    everything all at once: Joy, worry, excitement, wonder, amazement,
    humility, boldness, courage, fear...everyday is a new experience.
    Being a father explains (to me, at least) much of what it is to
    be a man. This is not a chauvinistic remark, it's just plain true.
    Having someone that puts their whole trust in you, who cries every
    time you walk out the door, who mimicks your every move, who goes
    around the house screaming "Daddy, Daddy, etc, etc" with a big smile
    on their face (as my daughter does often), it brings the best out
    of a man.
    
    The toughest job a man will ever do is being a husband and father.
    It brings out everything in him, good and bad, but at least it brings
    out the best. Instead of this being a big ego boost, it is very
    humbling. Being a father is one of God's greatest gifts to men.
    
    kdh..

    Being a father...
    
     I am both a father and a step-father. Being a father is bittersweet.
    It is satisfying, yet humbling. Strengthening, yet scary. Painful, yet 
    wonderful...
    
     I cannot use mere words to describe the multitude of emotions that one
    encounters while being "daddy." There are so many feelings, many of
    which are contradictory, that it cannot be accurately described by
    (my) words. 
    
     Being a father is being vulnerable. You are open to the hurts which
    someone may perpetrate upon you, but also the hurts that others may
    inflict upon your children. Being the father of three girls, I am very
    sensitive to the attitude of society towards women. There are aspect of
    society's female view that bother me, yet I am unsure what  i can do to
    change the things I don't like.
    
     Being a father brings many joys, and many heartaches. It is a special
    job, one which cannot be held in too high an esteem. I love being a
    dad.
    
     The Doctah 

    
    	I have one of each gender. I've felt all the emotions discussd
    	previously, so I won't repeat.
    
    	But, I will say that I admire the honesty that people have when
    	they say that they DON'T want children or dislike them. 
    	There is nothing worse than parents that don't love, or don't
        know how to treat their kids.  I get heartsick whenever I see
        a parent beat their kids in public for nothing other than acting
    	their age.
    
    	Guy Novello
    

    My son is 16.  I have watched him grow from a pure "bundle of joy"
    to a very self confident individual.
    
    He is the most important peson in my life.  Whenever I think/talk/write
    about him I feel the pride welling up inside.  Pride in what he
    has made of himself, of his goals for the future.  And in myself
    for the help that I have given him in getting there.
    
    Oh, it's not all been good.  There has been fear, frustration and
    doubt along the way.  Especially as he expands his horizons and
    the limits of his world.
    
    In three years he will go to university.  We have discussed this
    with him, and at that time he will leave home to learn to be truely 
    independent.  That will be a day of sorrow mixed with joy.
                                                              
    Of all the things that I have done in my life, being a father, is
    by far the most rewarding.
    
    Bob
                                                              

    The last few notes have brought something to mind.  Fear is a big
    part of being a father.  Worrying about how the kids will turn out.
    Will they do drugs, will they do all of the other things which instill
    fear into a dad's heart.  Oh that all of our children will grow
    up to be good people.  Able to tell right from wrong, willing to
    help others and able to see what is really important in this earthly
    life, one's family.
    
                                                 Mike

    
    When my kids were in their teens, and riding through the rapids of
    teenage life, and I was wringing my hands wondering if they'd turn
    out, my best friend offered me the best advice I'd ever heard. He
    simply said, "What are you worried about: you made it didn't you?
    They will too." 
    It really helped reduce my anxiety, and allowed me to get on with the
    business of being a dad instead of being a basket case.
    jpr

    Nothing touches me more than to watch a Dad and his daughter dance
    to Daddy's Little Girl. How do all you guys do it without crying
    like everyone else at the wedding reception? 
    
    Kate
    

    I know I don't!! I have one daughter and three sons. She's only
    7, but I think I got my mother's "tear-track"!! I get nervous when
    I think about how I'll react when she gets married. 
    
    I'll have to get out the Valium on that day I guess!!
    
    
    Jim

    re .13
    
    	They don't, at least mine didn't.  We both went off the floor
    	in tears of joy.  As for the others, I couldn't see them at
    	that point. That feeling cannot be described.
    
    	Another thing about fathers and daughters, the thing that got
    	to me the most that day, was turning around to face everyone
    	for the introduction as Mr & Mrs Simpson, to find my dad all
    	watery-eyed really hit me in the heart!  I'd better stop, here
    	I go again!
    
    	_Michelle_who's_dad_will_always_be_her_favorite_guy!

    re: .0
    
    Mark Twain said it best, i think: "When I was 17 my father was the
    dumbest, most ignorant person I ever knew. By the time I turned 21, I
    was amazed by how much he had learned in those four years." (loosely
    praphrased) 
    
    Not all children do it, but oftentimes we are blessed(?) with children
    whose IQ's and 'Power of Reason' exceeds our own, and we get a lot of
    pain because of it. But through those additional 'miracle years' as
    they passe from "older teens" to 'young adults' they mature. 

    They mature and we see that we don't need to agree to be equals. We
    need only to recognize the validity that our life is gorverned by our
    own decisions, and we must let our children do the same (because they
    will anyway). 
    
    For ourselves, it is a challenge to grow inwardly. 
    
    Now, as time passes by, I see a reverse sort of challenge, as my Parent
    passes from 'being old' to being 'aged'. A new challenge. How to 'let'
    my parent retain her independence, even though the ability to govern
    herself is failing (albeit slowly). 
    
    It is a challege, for it may be the model my children use in a few
    years, on how to deal with me. 
    
    
    

    	My younger daughter is desperately in love with my son's best
    friend. Not a bad choice - he is 19, rich, handsome, and studying
    computer science at one of the most prestigious universities in Italy,
    but she is only 9 years old.
    
    	Until last year she had been in the standard French school system,
    and was obviously bored out of her mind, so this year we put her into a
    school where she would be taught in English instead of French *and* in
    a class a year ahead of her age. In spite (because) of the double
    challenge she came home at the end of the year with a report card that
    said 19.5 out of 20 for mathematics. What do we do next to keep her
    from being bored?
    
    	She is a problem!

    Re:  17
    
    	It sounds as if your daughter is "gifted".  Just an idea (I'm not a
    child psychologist).  Gifted children can be as delicate to handle as
    slower children in that they really do need extra attention. "Feed" her
    all the education that she will "devour".  This is the time that
    children learn the most, at this age.  She sounds as if she needs that 
    intellectual stimulation to keep her from being bored.  This can turn
    into a very positive thing and not a problem at all.  
    
    	Also, do not discount her feelings of love.  I know that she is
    only 9, but believe me those feelings can be very real.  I remember my
    first feelings of love when I was 12, and no one took me seriously.  It
    was very painful and I believe could have been avoided if I had had
    someone to guide me and take me seriously.  Naturally, they will never
    last into adolescence toward this particular person.  But, they are
    very real.  This is also a time when you can build a trust relationship
    with her so that when she is an adolescent, she will remember how you
    cared for her during this time and took her seriously.  This is the
    time when you can make a BIG, BIG difference on how she relates to you
    when she does become involved when she is a teenager.  But, how do you
    do this?  Talk to her how you would talk to another adult only in
    language that she will understand.  And get over any modesty that you
    might have about it.  It's not worth it.  You have the job of shaping
    this young woman's future and she needs your guidance.  I really
    believe my father could have made a big difference if someone had only
    told all of this to him!  But, parents do the best that they can.  They
    only get one chance.  And I am sure that my children will have
    complaints about my choices, too.
    
    	Hope I didn't get too carried away with this!!!
    
    

    What's all this crappolla about, "how wonderful it is to be a
    Father"...?  Don't any of you remember how "wonderful" it was to go
    away for a weekend?  How great it was to go out to dinner after work? 
    How nice it was to have extra spending money to do whatever you wanted
    "when"ever you wanted to?  Come on, let's hear it for the Single
    Parents!!!  Those that are living in the Fast Lane and enjoying it!!! 
    What's all this garbage about enjoying life more now that we have
    children???  I for one long for those wonderful years of "days gone
    by"...(Tongue in Cheek...my lovely wife and I have 20 month old twins,
    boy and girl...God Blessed US!)

    
    I'm proud to be a DINK!  (Dual income no kids.....)  And believe me
    it's far better than being parents!!!
    
    Down with kids!!!!!
    

    re: .20 ...
    
    Shame *your* folks weren't DINK's too ...   8^)
    
    Scary (who's proud of being a "Dad")

    You mean DINKism is not hereditary?
    
    ed