Conference quark::mennotes-v1

Doesn't your friend have a competent lawyer?  Doesn't sound like it to me.
I think he should run, not walk, and find one.

				Steve

re: .1
>                            -< Needs a good lawyer >-

I really have no idea how competent or incompetent my friend's lawyer is.  I
don't want to mention any names here considering the subjective and hearsay
nature of much of what I'm talking about (otherwise I'd mention this so-called
guardian's name in double-width caps as being someone to avoid at all costs).

I'll take any suggestions people want to send via MAIL of good divorce lawyers
that you think could help my friend out with this situation.  Any remarks that
address tactics for dealing with this kind of mess that might be beneficial to
other men would probably be better off entered as replies here however.
							thanks, paul

    Your friend is in deep trouble - NH will favor the women in all
    cases bar none.  I don't think it's right and god I wish something
    could be done to put things on a more even keel.  It just comes
    down to this Women first Children next and sorry pal nothing is
    left for you.  You should have your friend contact some of the mens
    organization listed in this note - tho they maynot be much help
    but it's better than standing out there by yourself.
    
    I really believe what needs to be done is every fathers day have
    a march in concord NH with divorsed fathers and their kids. Maybe
    the lawmakers will wake up some day and treat fathers like parents
    also instead of just the wallet.
    
    					Yes I'm mad as hell
    

I don't think that the NH courts are quite as biased as the author of
.3 would indicate, but I agree that your friend is in trouble.  As I
said earlier, his best hope is to retain a competent and caring attorney,
and from the sound of your base note, he doesn't have one.  In fact, it
sounds as if he doesn't have an attorney at all.  If this is so, he's
basically given up.  But it's not too late to get on the stick.

				Steve

    I beg to differ Steve, I have it on good authority that it IS SO....
    
    I agree that you should have your friend contact one of the MENS
    groups listed herein this file.  And I also agree, he hasnt a leg
    (unless it is a steel one) to stand on.
    
    

    My two cents.
    
    I would be interested in knowing the ages of the children.  I got
    my divorce in N.H. in 1981 and sole custody of my two sons, (this
    was my ex's choice).  Four years latter, my youngest son who was
    then 12 requested to live with his dad.  I was living in Mass at
    the time, but we had an excellent Attorney (who unfortunately is
    now a judge) who handled the case for us.
    
    My advice is, depending on the age of the children, is for your 
    friend to get his own attorney for himself and his children.  If
    you want to contact me off-line, I will be glad to give you the
    name of the attorney/judge who handled our case.  If a lawyer can
    bring into court the unbiased wishes of the children, this should
    have a lot of impact on the judge's decision.
    own attorney for himself and his children

    Your friend might also ask his attorney to have a child psychologist
    interview the children and present the results of the interview to the
    court, either in person or by deposition.  The psychologist should be
    recognized as credible on the basis of education, years' experience,
    and published articles.  
    
    If it comes down to it, I believe your friend can request a jury,
    although that can always backfire since juries are generally made up of
    older people who don't mind giving up a month of their time.
    
    I detest the de facto assumption that women make better nurturers than
    do men.  Children deserve two parents, not one.  Whatever your friend
    does, please feel him out to determine whether what he is seeking is
    truly in the "best interests" of the kids.  He will have to come to
    terms with his "ex" in the very near future if he's to remain an active
    parent.
    
    Marge

    
    re women as nurturers:
    
    Detestable or not, it appears that overall, its a role women have
    taken on. Of course there are exceptions.

      I think note .7) has the right idea. When I went through my divorce
    in 1981 I had a court appointed psycologist interview the children.
    Because of her recomendations, after interviewing my ex-wife, myself,
    and the kids seperatly I wound up with two of the three. They are
    now all back with my ex-wife. Tell him not to let emotion take over
    what would be best for the kids. Also remember equitable distribution.
    If the kids have visitation rights use them. I was divorced in the
    state of New York and I always had the kids in mind and I was not
    out to get my ex. The judge saw this.
    
    Denny
    
    

re: .6
    
>    I would be interested in knowing the ages of the children.  
	They're 8 and 12, I believe.
>						If a lawyer can
>  bring into court the unbiased wishes of the children, this should
>  have a lot of impact on the judge's decision.
	Well, this is actually what the court seems to think the role
of this "guardian" is.  Obviously I don't believe this is what she's
actually doing.
	This is a bit odd: has no one else gone through a NH divorce
where a 3rd lawyer was brought in as a court-appointed "guardian"?
Could this be a relatively new practice in NH (or is it that custody
is not contested all that often)?

re: others
	I think my friend may be trying to get the independent
psychological review done that you suggest.  We'll see how unbiased
that turns out to be in practice.
							thanks, paul

    The practice of appointing a lawyer to represent the children is
    not new in NH.  About 5 years ago, my (then) husband sought custody
    of his son, and we went through this.  
    
    Keep in mind that the lawyer is supposed to represent the wishes,
    AND the best interest of the child.  Sometimes these are contradictory,
    but either way, this is a VERY difficult on all participants.
    
    I do not believe that the lawyer appointed to represent my stepson,
    was objective, and the outcome did not benefit him (my stepson)
    in the least.  I won't go into the details, because they are moot
    at this point, but sadly enough, she the lawyer told us point blank
    "Regardless, of what Keith wants, and regardless of the good home
    that you have to offer him, I intend to tell the judge, he belongs
    with his mother.  Every child belongs with their mother"  His mother
    was an alcoholic, just released from a six-month recovery program
    (Keith stayed with us during this time) and he was almost 15yrs old.
    
    Good Luck
    SandieD