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Conference quark::mennotes-v1

Title:	Topics Pertaining to Men
Notice:	Archived V1 - Current file is QUARK::MENNOTES
Moderator:	QUARK::LIONEL

Created:	Fri Nov 07 1986
Last Modified:	Tue Jan 26 1993
Last Successful Update:	Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:	867
Total number of notes:	32923

191.0. "Office Romances/Damage Control" by SIMUL8::COFFLER (Jeff Coffler) Fri Nov 20 1987 16:36

    The following note was sent to me by MAIL.  I was asked to enter this
    note anonymously ...
    
    -----
    
		How do you handle the Rumor Mill??

    Soooooo, now the party's over, your office romance has ended.  The next
    phone call you get is from a friend, who tells you your name is MUD.
    It seems she was in the "powder room" and hears your name being dragged
    through the dirt.

    The details are gory, the rumor is full of venom, and your friend is
    appalled, she knows the truth, and didn't hear much of it powdering her
    nose.  Alright, everyone is entitled to their opinion.  It wouldn't be
    much of a problem if you didn't work in the same site, but you do and
    you share acquaintances, have some overlap in the set of people you
    work with, and in general "touch" some common things.

    The people who know the story ask " why is this happening at work"? You
    ask the same thing, but you know why, because it's a Workplace romance.
    Barring direct confrontation with your now ex, how do you do damage
    control??  Friends know the truth, it doesn't matter what they are
    told.  However there is a considerable body of people you don't know,
    some of whom may be in control of your destiny, and what those folks
    hear could be trouble.

    It's insidious, but it's happening, sour words, inaccuracies,
    bitterness, maybe more....

    How do you handle the Rumor Mill??

T.R	Title	User	Personal Name	Date	Lines
191.1		GENRAL::SURVIL	d\|o\|g\|i\|t\|a\|l	`Mon Nov 23 1987 11:09`	9
	You will find out who your true friends are ...that's for sure! The one's who give a sht will believe ANYTHING and EVERYTHING they here. All you can do is try* not to let it get to you, and let time heal. My heart goes out to you, Jeff, for I've been there... Todd
191.2		GENRAL::SURVIL	d\|o\|g\|i\|t\|a\|l	`Mon Nov 23 1987 11:14`	3
	Oppps, I just re-read the fact it wasn't Jeff who was writting this, but only posted it. Sorry Jeff...
191.3	The little wheels are spinning now...	AXEL::FOLEY	Rebel without a Flu	`Mon Nov 23 1987 12:43`	20
	I agree with Todd, it's not an easy position to be in.. (And I know cuz I've been there numourous times) Best bet to to shrug it off and get back in touch with those friends that ARE friends cuz "they" are going to talk about you irregardless of what you say or do.. Actually, sometimes it's also good to consult with the other person involved. A friend of mine and I were thought to have ...er.... you know, and when we found out we played it up.. People STILL think we are and we did.. (Now all you people who heard something like that are sitting there with mouth agape.. hahahahahahahA!!!!! I LOVE it! and so does she! :-)) Let them think what they want.. Only your true friends will care enough to ask YOU about it.. mike
191.4	In the hot seat...	NEXUS::MORGAN	Contemplating a Wheaties Hell	`Mon Nov 23 1987 16:39`	10
	Reply to .0, I'm in that position now myself. Simply put, I refuse to be manipulated or controlled. It is sad though that I've lost a friend. Hopefully this won't explode into nasty and perhaps legal questions. I guess I'll just let it blow over.
191.5		STING::BARBER	Skyking Tactical Services	`Tue Nov 24 1987 10:24`	19
	If nothing else, people will always think do and say what ever they want and you have little to no control over that. Its part of human nature. In many circumstances its because they are jealous, or they want to cause a problem, because they want to go out with your friend. With some, it makes them fell superior, what ever. Theres no getting around it, so you might as well grin and bear it. Its usually worse in a small community (IE work) because everyone knows everyone. What has been said before is the important lesson. That is you find out who are your real friends and who really knows you. These are the people that stand up and beside you when these things hit. The rest , don't bother, for if it wasn't you it would be someone else. Most people in a management or level of supervision, know who the rumor mongers are and realize what their hearing is just that, rumors. It just goes along with the first line of that poem about life, "Go placidly amongst the noise and confusion". Bob B
191.6	been there? too many times!	EXIT26::READ		`Wed Nov 25 1987 05:53`	18
	Ah, office romances, you can't live with them and you can't shoot them. My last one had rumors going about me before we even "broke up". You try to talk to them, but nothing will do, it seems. All you can do is hope people will give you the chance to prove otherwise. Rather nonchalant advice, granted, but people love to talk and no amount of worrying on your part will ever stop them. Tell your buddy to keep the chin up, someone else will probably break up soon, then they can be the center of attention. cj