Conference quark::mennotes-v1

    I would like a woman to ask me out because I may be too dense to
    see the signals she is sending, and if she is interested in me,
    she ought to go ahead and ask, rather than sitting back and waiting
    (perhaps forever) for me to figure it out.  However, this does not
    mean that I am released from the burden of doing the asking, but
    I'll only ask women whom I think will be receptive.
    
    Any sort of a "first date" is reasonable - lunch, dinner, movie,
    play that she happens to have two tickets for, etc.  The same sort
    of thing that I would (and have) asked women for a first date for.
    
    If a woman let me know that she didn't think I would be receptive,
    the first thing I'd do is to make sure that SHE knew I would be
    receptive.  Otherwise, I'm sort of at a loss, other than to give
    "signals" like I look for in women (absence of signs of attachment,
    smiles when I walk by, perhaps engaging in casual conversation at
    the coffee station, etc.)  It's not exactly as if I can walk around
    with a sign on my back saying "please ask me out on a date!"  I
    don't see the rules any different in this case as they would be
    for a woman who wants to be asked.
    
    				Steve
    
    P.S.  I suppose another thing I could do is write notes like this
    one! :-)

    I would like women to feel free to ask me out because I have such
    a history of mis-interpreting "signals" to be interest in more than
    just friendship when they weren't.  Because of this, I've resolved
    that all such actions are just a woman being friendly.  I realize
    that this may mean a certain number of missed opputunities, but
    it also saves a lot of embarassment on my part.
    
    I'm not really picky as to what a date consists of.  Let's face
    it, the real purpose of a date is to spend time with the other person.
    
    Just like women can have a hard time letting men know that they
    would like to be asked out, men have a hard time letting women know
    that they would like to be asked out.  If you consider asking someone
    out as a method of flatering them, then I think you'll find that
    most people would enjoy being asked out.
    
    Rich

    
         Yes, I love for women to ask me out.  It does take some of
    that presumed burden, and I always show my appreciation.
    
         The type of date is open to the person who proposed it, but
    I would think dinner or some type of situation which allowed easy
    talking time would be best.
    
                                 Greg
    

    I'm basically pretty shy. It was worse 11 years ago when I was
    dating. I was very glad that the woman who is now my wife asked
    me out on our first date (a picnic) because I would never have
    worked up the nerve to ask her.
    
    Not only was a shy but I was notoriously bad at reading her
    signals. For weeks the people in the group we were doing things
    where getting me to drive her home. It never dawned on me that
    it was all her idea! We'd never have gotten together if she'd
    waited for me to wise up.
    
    			Alfred

    
    I have both Steve's and Alfred's reasons.  I'm painfully shy, and
    I'm dense.  Actually, it's more of a 'lost-in-a-fog' type thing.
    So, it would make things a lot easier on me.
    
    What kind of dates?  I'm not sure I know how to answer that.  My
    mind tends to divide things into 'dates' and 'stuff you do with
    others.'  There are several women I've known a long time and engaged
    in some of the usual dating activites with, but I never though of
    the occasions as dates.
    
    I don't know what I could do in the case of the third question.
    Life experience has told me that I'm very difficult to read, and
    none of the measures I've taken seems to have improved things. 
    Maybe I ougtha get some T-Shirts made up. :-)
    
    DFW

    Re: .6
    
    I've done just that (#870).
    
    		Steve

    * Why would you like women to ask you out?
    
      When I was single it would have been a real ego booster, and
      at that time I could have used it. Also it would have relieved
      me of some of the anxiety I experienced getting up the nerve
      to ask out a woman. I too was lousy at reading signals, saying
      the right thing, etc. I guess I'm speaking of 1st dates.
    
    * What would I have done in the future if.....
    
      Probably what I always did with little success. I might tell them
      that I think they're attractive, or try to initiate eye contact
      with a smile, things like that.
    
      Though it has been years for me I hope you don't mind my responding.

    **Why would you like women to ask you out?
    
       I am really impressed when a woman has the self confidence to
    come up to me and ask me out. I would hope, however that she has
    taken the time to read whatever signals I might be giving out. 
    I am a pretty blunt person in general, so a woman should have little
    doubt that I am interested. If women dont learn to effectively read
    signals, and I'm not saying they havent already, I think men would 
    have to learn all of the evasion tactics that women have perfected 
    over thousands of years. 
                                        Dan  :^)

    
    Re: .6
    
         I think some of us are simply agreeing with the concept.  Not
    all of us are available to make entries in the singles file.  Even
    if I were, I think I would find it difficult to make an entry there.
    
                                Grog
    

    
    Re: .12
    
         No, no.  The benefit of anonymity is not the solution to what
    I was referring.  It's just that some of the postings seem a little
    sad.  I have always found it easier to meet people in person, and
    the relationships to last longer than those of my friends who utilized
    such means.  Don't take this as a jab against the file.  I understand
    it has done a lot of good for eastern DECcies (a small jab from
    Colorado), but even if my current relationship ends (God forbid)
    I don't think I could advertise.
    
                                Grog
    

    I agree with Greg that many of the SINGLES ads seem designed to
    evoke pity, which I have realized for a while is counterproductive.
    It was difficult for me to put in an ad, but once I made the decision
    to do so, I knew that the kind of impression I wanted to make was
    incompatible with an anonymous entry, so it went in directly.
    
    Ask me in about six months whether I think it was worthwhile.  It's
    too soon to judge.  And having the ad there (and getting responses)
    hasn't stopped me from contacting women who I think might be
    interested.
    				Steve

    
         With the greatest anticipation and anxiety, we await your
    6-month or 50,000 date (whichever comes first) report.
    
                              Greg
    

    Re: .15
    
    Somehow I think the 6-months will come first.... :-)
    
    				Steve

    re.16 not from what I've heard ....

    re: .0
    
    Why ?
    
    Same as the reasons given by some: Too dense to realize that
    perhaps,despite our age differences, culturaly differences, financial
    status diferences, color and or ethnic origins ..... whatyever the
    reasons ...
    
    
    Also, I admire greatly ANY women (ant PERSON) who is willing to
    take a risk .. a risk that might be unthinkable to MOST other people
    ... for RISK takers ultimately learn to take controlled risks and
    do various assorted and sundry things that tend to enahance their
    lives, rather than diminish them.
    
    Yes, there are pitfalls, and some morgues do contain bodies of some
    risktakers ... but then, andyone can silp and fall in their bathtub;
    get creamed on the  highway ... not TO be a risk taker AT ALL implies
    some sort of existing "do nothing at all" status.
    
    Some even risk personal happiness .. sometimes  the risk is not
    in what you LOSE, but what you might GAIN by taking a risk.
    
    Bob+3 ;^)
    

          Dusk.      .... flickering candles, laughter, a whisper.
                 A touch. A loving gaze into her eyes. A hush.
                 No rules. Creating dreams. 
          Dawn.      .... giggles, a gentle touch...
                 and blowing off work. 
    
                                                      that's why
                                                                 Russ