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Living together = next logical step?! Well, two people
together can accomplish a lot more things than two
people alone in the same amount of time, practically
speaking. Only 1 set of bathrooms to clean, 1 driveway
to shovel in the winter time, etc. Some things can only
be accomplished with 2 people around, especially home
improvement projects. Some things are more fun to do with
someone else, like cooking. Some things also need more $ to
pay for. So, IMO, 2 people working as a team, pooling their
resources together can get more out of life. But then of
course, the two people have to have same goals, have to
get along and have to commit.
Eva
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> Some things I think about are:
> My SO is *still* technically married, but making slow progress. Things are
> perfect right now, why screw it up. Is this person the *right* one? Why is
> living together the next "logical" step? I've been living alone for 9
> years.
What do you mean by "technically married"? Marriage is kinduva
binary thing with me -- either you are or you're not.
> Gun shy? Careful? Just plain scared of commitment? What's your opinion?
Given what you've said, I think at least a part of it is that
you're unwilling to give up your independence and freedom. Think about
this: if your partner were divorced/single, would that change your
feelings about the situation? I'm suspecting it wouldn't, but I'm
basing this on gut feel with little information. How were you feeling
at the end of your divorce? Do you think your current feelings stem in
any way from how you felt then?
Brian
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Fear, perhaps?
Historically when you've taken steps to be closer, it's blown up
ultimately. Perhaps you're afraid of history repeating itself for a
third time?
One way to be open and vulnerable and honest with your current
spouse would be to tell her "I'm terrified of losing what we have if
we move in together". Allow her to help you with that feeling.
Upon hearing the circumstances of the other breakups, she'll
probably be able to give you some assurance and/or understanding.
Hope this helps,
Joe
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| >>>My partner has asked that we move in together. I feel very uneasy about
>>>this and I've told my partner this. Tough part is that I'm not really
>>>sure why I feel so uneasy about this.
Why did your previous relationships end after such a long time
(especially your marriage)? What sort of relationship
are you really looking for in your life (ie, are you really WANTING
to have something that "lasts forever.")?
>>>My SO is *still* technically married, but making slow progress.
Plain and simple. If your SO wanted to be divorced, your SO would
BE divorced. I have to agree with Brian: either a person IS married
or they aren't. Your SO's "commitment" to another person is still
in effect, can they really commit fully to you?
Is sounds to me from your hesitation that you know inside that
now isn't the right time -- that you both have some issues to
deal with first.
If this is the "right" person for you -- waiting until these issues
are resolved shouldn't be a problem.
>>>Why is living together the next "logical" step? I've been living alone for 9
>>>years.
It doesn't have to be....it sounds like you really need to answer
the question for yourself that I asked at the beginning:
What sort of relationship are you REALLY looking for in your life?
Kath
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