Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    Debbie,
    
    The problem with the question is how many people say it and MEAN it...
    
    I found that with my first wife, after the first year of marriage, my 
    way of saying goodbye on the phone had become an automatic response...
    Bye-Honey-I-love-you.  Later I learned that a LOT of couples fall 
    into a trap of saying it automatically, without thinking of what is 
    being said or meant by the words... they are a programed response, no 
    feeling or meaning just another way of saying hello or goodbye.
    
    So what the heck am I saying?  Maybe you'd be better off asking: 
    How often you say the words "I love you" with meaning/feeling?
    
    To answer that question... I say it whenever my SO and I go seperate 
    ways either over the phone or in person.  At least once a day...
    She doesn't say it as often.  However, when she does, I know she says 
    it with meaning and feeling.  A rare 'gem' that has that much more
    meaning when she says it because she doesn't say it as often.  
    
    So for her, I'd say she says it on an average of 2 time per week.
    
    Skip

    Reading these notes really reminds me of the differences in being
    single and being in an SO relationship!!  It's been almost 3 yrs. since
    I was in a couple relationship, and probably a couple of years since a
    man told me he loved me.   However, my daughter and I say I love you to
    each other almost every day, either on the phone or in person, and we
    both mean it.
    
    When I was married, my ex-husband almost *never* said I love you, and
    it bothered me a lot.  We were married for 12 1/2 yrs. and my guess
    would be that he probably never said it during the last 6 or 7 yrs. we
    were married.  
    
    When my father died, my mother told me that a day had never gone by in
    their marriage that my father had not told her he loved her.  They had
    been married for 37 yrs.  She told me she felt sorry for me that my
    marriage wasn't as happy as hers.
    
    I think it's important for couples to say I love you to each other. 
    But, I think it's extremely stupid for people to say it people they've
    only just met, when having sex or whatever.
    
    Lorna
    

    My husband and I say we love each other as we leave for work and 
    before we go to sleep.  We VERY rarely go to bed angry with each
    other.  Saying I love you doesn't mean tiddly squat if the other
    person in the relationship doesn't show you they love you.  You
    need to have that extra something.  For example...even when we 
    lie on the couch and watch tv we hold hands.  We've been married
    ten years.  It's nice to be somewhere in public and just have them
    hold there arm out to you to touch you.  We are like Ying and Yang.
    
    What I'm trying to say is you can tell someone you love them, but as
    the old adage(?) goes.  ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.

    RE: .1 Skip, You're right. I should have qualified my question by
    asking how often you said and MEANT it! So for future responses, please
    assume I want to know when you say and mean it.
    
    Re: .2 Lorna, I agree that saying it when you first meet or are having
    sex is extremely stupid and one of my pet peeves. 
    
    Re: .3 You sound like my husband and myself. We say it every night
    before going to sleep and every morning when we wake up. And we mean
    it! I hope that when we've been married 10 years I can still same the
    same thing. But, we're still newlyweds, so I suppose we don't count in
    the survey!
    
    Debbie
    

It used to be said to me every day, and I think I used to say it every day
too, but once I got married...


	Ian

    ok..don't get too grossed out or anything but the following contains 
    sickinggly sweet syrupy stuff...!   ;-) 
    
    I say I love you to my so every single day..sometimes several times a
    day! hopefully that will continue after we're married! ;-) 
    yep, he says it too....*sigh*    

    ...and we both MEAN it!  *8-) 

    My husband and I don't exchange "I love yous" like clock work. We both
    agree that we don't want to make it a trite phrase or use it as a
    salutation. This way, when we say it, it's when the feeling bubbles up and
    it needs to be said. Which is fairly often, but not necessarily once a
    day. 

    I agree that the actions say much more than words, our actions
    constantly confirm the words. I like the previous reply's about hand
    holding, we can't sit next to each other with out touching, even if
    it's just touching toes. 8^) 

    Gail 

    
    I do - when I see or talk with him.
    
    It's another facet of what my grandfather's girlfriend called "bringing
    the milk to the table in the pitcher", which is what she told me helps
    relationships last.  It's not leaving the milk in the carton.  It's
    that extra kiss, or hug.  It's that gesture that says "love" all over
    it.  And it's sometimes saying it right out loud.
    
    -Jody