Conference quark::human_relations-v1

The numbers are listed in the DEC phone book - they vary by
site.  When you call, all you have to say is that you'd like
to make an appointment, you don't have to tell them what it's
for, and to your nosy co-workers it sounds as if you're calling
a doctor.

Stop making excuses for yourself and just do it.

				Steve

    in re .0
    
    if you are sick you call a doctor, if you have personal problems
    look on EAP as another sort of doctor. I've been to them with
    problems, gotten referals and my life is much better after going
    to counceling...
    
    

    I know how you feel - I can't ask for help either, no matter how much
    I feel that I need it. We have the added problem here in England that
    future employers are able to check with your medical record with your
    doctor, so if you seek help you're automatically labelled 'unstable'.
    
    I think the main problem with depression is the isolation - it's all
    very well to say someone to talk about it, but what if they're not
    interested? (believe me, this happens) About the last thing you can
    cope with when you're at your lowest ebb is rejection - better to say
    nothing than have the knife-twisting experience of getting up enough
    courage to confide in someone (stranger or friend), and have them turn
    away.
    
    I don't mean to sound like a complete cynic, I guess I'm just trying to
    say that I understand WHY you're coming up with elaborate excuses not to
    call. I'd admire you if you did tho'
    
    

    My husband couldn't seek help either.  He, too, felt that a man
    should be able to handle his own (and his marital) problems.  Ah, well. 
    Why sigh for what might have been?
    
    I called EAP and had good experiences.  My depression no longer rules
    and ruins my life!
    
    Good wishes,
    aq
    

    Anon,
    
    Let me give you some firm advice.  I started with EAP in October of 91
    and he was so good, that I am still going to him and paying full price.
    He is aware that I have to pay him out of my own pocket and he does not
    press for payments.  Whatever you can afford whenever you can do it.
    
    It's so important to be a whole person and I have finally come to that 
    point.  I also hoped it would happen in four visits, and I would be
    cured.  It does not happen overnight.  You have to go through some
    bumps before you can rise above it all, but when you start rising above
    it all, it is a glorious feeling.
    
    Please do not wait any longer.  If you want anymore info call me or
    send me mail.  It's important to feel good about yourself.
    
    Nancy

    Re .0: Sounds familiar! "I can take care of my problems _myself_."
    Well, sure, maybe. You could probably make your own soap, too, but
    unless you really enjoy soapmaking it's a lot less painful to go buy
    some. 'sides, one thing you can never be for yourself is an objective
    observer. Go on - even just one visit might help. The very act of
    putting your problem(s) into words, to someone who isn't involved in
    those problems, can be an amazing relief.
    
    I eventually did contact EAP, but first I went through most of the
    reasons you list - plus my personal favorite. "If I call EAP, I won't
    be able to pretend that it isn't a problem anymore." 
    
    The good thing is, once I went to them, and realized how much my
    worries were taking out of me, I was on the road to making it _not_ be
    a problem anymore. Definitely, skip the excuses and give it a try.
    
    -b

    There are "family services" and many other forms of therapy available
    without having to go through EAP (that DEC will pay for). You can call
    your personal physician and ask for a referral and then no-one at DEC
    would know. I echo .1, stop thinking about it and just do it.

    re.0
    Haven't read any of the replys yet but...
    
    Hogwash!
    
    It is *OK* to have problems we all have them but it *is not* OK
    to go on without seeking help. Do yourself a favor lose the pride
    and call EAP you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
    
    After my divorce I used EAP to find a shrink and I'm glad that I did
    it helped me beyond measure. Nobody has to know but if they do find
    out be proud of the fact that you had the courage to help yourselfwhen
    you needed it. 
    
    PLease feel free to contact me directly if you want I would be happy
    to relate my experience with EAP if it will help.
    
    -jerry gortmaker
    CSC32::GORTMAKER
    DTN:592-5439
    

    I've used EAP 3 times, and each time they have paired me
    with counselors who have been of immeasureable help.  I
    can't speak highly enough of them.  And besides, chances
    are some of your co-workers have been there too.  There's
    no shame in having problems you can't handle by yourself.
    
    Mary-Michael

.6>    Re .0: Sounds familiar! "I can take care of my problems _myself_."
    
    There is a certain feeling of self-esteem and accomplishment to
    be had from handling problems by yourself - analyzing them and
    then solving them.
    
    And personally, if all I need is an ear, I'd rather turn to friends
    or relatives than strangers who get paid to listen.
    
    There is something to be said for learning self-sufficiency.

    Yes, Mike there is a certain feeling of self-esteem and accomplishment
    in "handling your problems by yourself".  But I find your answer cold
    and callous and unfeeling.  Personally, I don't know what I'd do if I
    didn't have a therapist because my friends are not always equipped to
    help me sort through whatever is going on in my life.  Sometimes there
    are deeper problems that can't be dealt with on an intellectual level. 
    It has to do with emotions and experiencing those emotions and resolving
    them and sometimes friends just can't help with those.  Depression is
    one of those emotions.
    
    I'm glad it works for you Mike.  I completely and totally disagree with
    it.  Why?  I've watched my father deal with problems exactly the way
    you are describing and now I'm watching his life fall down around him. 
    He has a wife that is brain-dead from alcoholism and a daughter that 
    won't speak to him because he chose to intellectualize everything. 
    Because he chose not to deal with the issues and problems on an
    emotional level.  Because he can't cope with emotions.
    
    To the basenoter, I apologize for bringing my own personal agenda in
    here.  It's ok to go into counseling and it's ok to find help.  There
    is nothing weak or unmanly about it.  It's human.  I hope you can work
    through your fear of looking "less than" and get the help you feel you
    need, whether it's from friends or a therapist.
    
    Karen

    re: .11
    
    I don't think Mike was blasting people who seek a therapist.  His
    assertion was that there can be some positive growth through
    self-awareness and relying on a network of friends.  I agree with you
    that this is not always feasible or ideal.  Many problems run deeper
    than be "talked through" and sometimes it's easier and/or better to
    speak to a trained professional who is detached emotionally from the
    situation.
    
    On the other hand, please don't imply that those of us who try to find
    our own insight and rely on close friends for our necessary support are
    somehow fooling ourselves or deprived emotionally.  I've had my boughts
    with depression, but I've gotten through them because of good friends,
    family support, and the silver lining eventually appearing.  It doesn't
    work for everyone, but it does work for many.
    
    Regards,
       Larry
            

>    There is a certain feeling of self-esteem and accomplishment to
>    be had from handling problems by yourself - analyzing them and
    
    There's also a better chance of covering up real problems with specious
    analyses.  
    
    And friends and relatives are hardly detached observers, particularly
    when the problem involves friends and relatives.  Someone who's "paid
    to listen" may be the only reliable sanity check.
    
    Ray

    When our kitchen faucet started to split, we bought a new one and
    installed it outselves.  When the bathroom faucet started to leak,
    we got a new washer and installed it ourselves.  When the outside
    faucet started to leak, and the handle broke into pieces, we got a
    plumber, who, after only an hour and a half with a welding torch
    and forays into the basement, put on a new pipe and faucet.
    
    Somethimes -- er, some things, some times -- you do yourself; others,
    you get an expert.
    
    						Ann B.

.12>   I don't think Mike was blasting people who seek a therapist.
    
    Of course I wasn't, Larry.

    I haven't read all the comments made, but IMHO, and from past
    experiences, if there's something you don't want to do, you'll always
    find an excuse not to do it.  When you hurt bad enough and want the
    pain, no matter what kind of pain it is, to stop, then you'll do
    something about it.  Question is...how much do you want to suffer?
    
    Lynne