| Title: | What's all this fuss about 'sax and violins'? |
| Notice: | Archived V1 - Current conference is QUARK::HUMAN_RELATIONS |
| Moderator: | ELESYS::JASNIEWSKI |
| Created: | Fri May 09 1986 |
| Last Modified: | Wed Jun 26 1996 |
| Last Successful Update: | Fri Jun 06 1997 |
| Number of topics: | 1327 |
| Total number of notes: | 28298 |
How did you survive a situation where you and your spouse pretty much
hate each other, but still had to live under the same roof? How long
did it work?
Any other comments?
| T.R | Title | User | Personal Name | Date | Lines |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1271.1 | What am I missing here?? | BSS::S_MURTAGH | Rebel without a Clue | Thu Jun 04 1992 18:00 | 4 |
Under what circumstances would I "have" to live under the same roof as
a spouse that I honestly and truely *hated*? I can't imagine any such
situation. I would not live there.
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| 1271.2 | JULIET::SCARBERRY_CI | Thu Jun 04 1992 19:23 | 4 | ||
re.1
Finances. Trying to get the initial start up cash to move out and still
pay all the other living expenses. Any advice.
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| 1271.3 | CSC32::GORTMAKER | Whatsa Gort? | Thu Jun 04 1992 20:29 | 9 | |
re.0, .2
If I hated someone I woulden't live with them regardless what I had
to do to get them away(they leave I stay thank you) finance woulden't
be a consideration as I'm sure they could find a place to live.
If finance is the reason you are unable to leave do you have friends
you could stay with? Find a roommate? Get another job? Lower standard
of living? The options are there.
-j
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| 1271.4 | DTIF::RUST | Thu Jun 04 1992 21:23 | 23 | ||
Argh - that can be a tough situation.
In my case, we didn't hate each other, but things were still very
strained. I think it was two or three months after the decision to
divorce before he moved out (refinancing hassles, mainly), and it was
NOT a fun time. Mostly, we stayed at work a lot; at home, stayed in
separate rooms... Once in a while we'd feel calm enough to chat, but
most of the time there was this tense silence - a very, very hard time.
If I had it to do over again (heaven forbid), I'd go to great lengths
to avoid remaining in the same house once the decision was made, but if
it's really impossible, the only thing to do is to be as civil as
possible, and try to maintain some private space.
One other thing. In our case, though we didn't have a definite "out"
date, we knew it wouldn't take all that long (though it seemed like
forever at the time). If your situation is really open-ended (as in,
more than six months, I'd say) you might consider making it a
short-term goal to get one of you a separate residence; having a
definite date might make it easier to cope in the mean time.
Good luck,
-b
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| 1271.5 | What about the kids? | SCAACT::AINSLEY | Less than 150 kts. is TOO slow | Fri Jun 05 1992 12:30 | 5 |
Are children involved in this situation? If so, please consider the effect of both of you continuing to live under the same roof. Do either of you have relatives close enough to live with temporarily? Bob | |||||
| 1271.6 | JULIET::SCARBERRY_CI | Fri Jun 05 1992 15:20 | 10 | ||
re.4
Your first paragraph describes the situation pretty well.
Yes, there's kids involved. No, I haven't friends or relatives to stay
with. But, I know if there's a will there's a way. I'm sure it could
all be done. It's been done before. Just don't feel like doing it
again. What a pain.
Anyway, I was just wondering how some folks coped with it.
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| 1271.7 | ARRODS::CARTER | Windows on the world... | Mon Jun 08 1992 07:01 | 20 | |
I shared a house with my ex for about 3 months once the decision to
split had been made.
It was only possible because neither of us was seeing anyone else. We
tried to keep it as amicable as possible and even socialised together
at weekends - so I guess you sould say we didn't HATE each other - it
just wasn't working out.
Our problem was that I considered myself single, whilst he was still
hanging on in hope of it working - in the end he moved out very quickly
when I started going out with someone else.
One thing we did do was to get a lodger - this took some of the
pressure off as it was a third person and turned the "family" home into
a "shared" house - also eased the finances so speeding up the process
of splitting...
Xtine
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