Conference quark::human_relations-v1

Two of my roommates are in the process of getting married (to each other).
One (the owner of the house) I've lived with for 1� years, and the other
moved in three months ago (about the time they got engaged).  We've had
no real problems of any sort.  

Pros (as I see them):

	Another roommate means the bills go five ways instead of four.

	The housework gets divided five ways instead of four (this is not
	to say that much housework ever got done to begin with, or that it
	gets done now).

	She's an interesting person.  Another roommate to talk to at
	dinner time (the house frequently eats together).

Cons:

	We have less common space per person than we did.  Since the 
	house is quite large, this has less impact than if it were a 
	800 sf condo.


One of the things that seems really important is that the person moving
in is flexible enough to fit into the existing social structure.  We would
have had problems if, for example, suddenly we all had to keep kosher or 
start cleaning the house regularly.

    When I was married, my ex and I always had a roomate.  From the
    feedback that I've gotton from the roomates it was no problem for them
    to live with a married couple.  However, if I were your roomates I
    would seriously reconsider this choice.  I found that the relationship
    between myself and my spouse suffered a great deal due to the
    restrictions of having another person's energy to deal with in the
    living situation.  There was never a chance to really deal with just
    each other's energy and develop one-on-one communication lines, etc.
    without always taking into account the other person we were co-habiting
    with.  I think that this was a large factor in our split-up.  Perhaps
    if we'd had the time and _freedom_ to develop a living relationship
    between the two of us other problems would not have occurred or could
    have been overcome.
    
    FWIW
    
    Nanci

It depends greatly on how much privacy the couple and the roomate need.  If they
don't feel overly inhibited by your presence, and you don't mind a few PDA's,
and an occasional heated argument, it should go as well as roomates normally go.

Jim.

    I've been  on  both  sides of this. The first place I lived in off
    campus  had  a  soon  to  be  married  couple  as  two  of  the 6?
    housemates.  I didn't have anything to compare that to. In another
    house that I lived in, one man was married, but his wife had a job
    2  hours  away, so she only lived with us on weekends. Eventually,
    she  got  a  closer  job,  and  moved  in. That worked quite well,
    partially  because  both  of  them  were their own person, and you
    could  relate  to them seperately. Eventually my (then) girlfriend
    moved  in  as  well, and that worked a little less well because we
    spent  too  much  time together. That was the best house I've ever
    lived  in,  partially  because  Larry (part of the married couple)
    made it work in lots of little ways.

    I'm the  owner of the house mentioned in .1, so I'm now seeing the
    other  side  of  it.  There  is  a little less privacy and freedom
    involved  in  having  housemates. If we want to have a candlelight
    dinner,  we have to let people know in advance. Luckily, the house
    is  big  enough  so  that  we can go in the living room, and still
    leave  room for everyone else in the kitchen and dining rooms. The
    advantages  are  that  there  are more people to pay the bills and
    it's  handy  to  have other people around to share cooking, and so
    forth.

--David

    
    
    	My two pennies...
    
    	I lived with my ex-boyfriend and my best friend for six	
    	months.  Granted, we weren't married, but it still provided
    	for a great deal of tension.
    
    	I would have MUCH preferred either living with JUST her or
    	JUST him.  I always felt that he and I couldn't argue, talk,
    	yell, or have any kind of privacy because we had to consider
    	her feelings (her name was on the lease) and respect her
    	privacy and right to live in a harmonious environment.
    
    	SO!  If I WERE to be the roommate living in a married couple
    	situation, I think I would feel like a third wheel and would
    	move out.  Only because newlyweds need time to get to know
    	each other in every sense of the word, and I would find it
    	hard for them to do that with another person in the house.
    
    	It doesn't allow you the freedom to do as you choose because
    	you're constantly aware of another person's presence.  
    	(I guess I'm ditto on .2)
    
    	Tigga~~~

    I think any roommate situation depends on the individuals involved
    and not on their relationships to each other.  My boyfriend and
    I had a third female roommate for over a year and a half, and while
    there were some problems, I think they were because of the
    personalities involved and not because two of us were a live-in
    couple.
    
    I think the increasing high cost of living is going to result in
    a lot of unusual living situations in the coming years.  It's not
    going to be as easy as it used to be for couples to always have
    their own place.
    
    My boyfriend and I have recently, to the amazement of friends and
    acquaintances (to say nothing of parents!), become roommates with my 
    ex-husband and our daughter. So far, it seems to be working out okay.
    
    The only real problem that I can see for a single person rooming
    with a couple, if the couple owns the house, is that when differences
    occur the couple have more reason to put up with each other than
    with the single person.  This might create a two against one situation
    but it shouldn't have to be that way.
    
    Lorna
    

    I would certainly think newlyweds would want their own place
    to live!  IMO, if a room mate was to get married and he didn't
    own the place, I think he should make arrangements for a new
    place for he and his new wife to live. (or, if he does own the
    place, give the roomate(s) ample notice of the privacy he's
    going to need,, i.e., time for the roommate to move out)  
    
    I can't imagine a newlywed couple sharing their living quarters 
    with someone else in any capacity!