| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 812.1 | | FRECKL::HUTCHINS | And on the 8th day... | Thu Aug 10 1989 08:20 | 23 |
| You sound as though you've identified the main problems through
all the emotional "stuff" surrounding it.
There are many notes in the file that deal with the issues surrounding
substance abuse, dependency, so I'm not going to repeat what others
have so eloquently written before.
From what you write, your sister has problems with alcohol, which
she is choosing to deny at this point. Her problems are affecting
the family, but until she admits that she has a problem, there is
little that you can do for *her*. What you can do for yourself,
your parents and other family members, is to get help for yourself,
either through books, counseling, meetings, or whatever means are
most comfortable for you. It's not easy.
Melody Beattie and Janet Woititz have written some excellent books
about co-dependency and families of alcoholics.
If you'd like to write to me off-line, please feel free.
Take care,
Judi
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| 812.2 | Call Al-Anon | JAIMES::GODIN | This is the only world we have | Thu Aug 10 1989 09:26 | 10 |
| Al-Anon is a program specifically designed for the family and friends
of alcoholics -- helping them to learn how to deal with the situation
and not facilitate it.
I've never personally been involved in an alcoholic situation, but
I have a dear friend who has found the strength and support she
needs through Al-Anon.
Best wishes for healing to all of you!
Karen
|
| 812.3 | Go to Al-Anon, it's wonderful! | FDCV06::ARVIDSON | What does God need with a Starship? | Thu Aug 10 1989 12:24 | 10 |
| RE: < Note 812.2 by JAIMES::GODIN "This is the only world we have" >
> -< Call Al-Anon >-
>
> I've never personally been involved in an alcoholic situation, but
> I have a dear friend who has found the strength and support she
> needs through Al-Anon.
I second the Al-Anon suggestion! From personal experience it is an
excellent *excellent* program! Just do it!
Dan
|
| 812.4 | Sorry but | GBMMKT::VACCHELLI | IT TAKES TWO | Thu Aug 10 1989 12:32 | 9 |
|
I don't want to saound like a hard *ss but......
If your sister refuses to get help your parents can have her declared
an unfit mother and gain custody of your niece's. Maybe then she'll
wake up. Sounds to me like she doesn't care about anybody but herself.
I wouldn't be so forgiving.
Katrina
|
| 812.5 | Act now, before it's too late | SCDGAT::DUFFY | Ecstatic Tintinnabulations | Thu Aug 10 1989 13:27 | 17 |
| If you're from the area, this morning's Boston Globe has an article
about a father who adopted a child with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. This
is no fooling matter. That young baby (and its caretakers) have a
long row to hoe.
I will refrain from expressing a judgment re. your sister, but it
sounds like the situation needs intervention, difficult decisions,
group therapy/support (such as other replies have suggested, but
I think more), and legal action. For the sake of the family members
and the two young children, try to avoid the "we can handle it"
approach or the "keep the problem in the family" attitude. Use the
support (personal, community, legal, governmental) available to get
out of the rut years of behavior have created, so that different
ways of approaching this/these problem(s) can be developed.
This is very difficult. Use the resources at DEC (EAP) to get
some guidance on some of the legal and social welfare issues as
well as personal conflicts.
|
| 812.6 | EAP? | MAMTS7::TTAYLOR | | Thu Aug 10 1989 14:53 | 12 |
| I agree with Katrina (.4). She sounds like an unfit and uncaring
mom to me ....
Have you contacted EAP through DEC for help? Give it a shot, they
are a pretty good resource. But still and all, I don't think Al-Anon
will give you any help other than emotional support. It won't change
the situation, since your sister refuses to change her ways.
Good luck.
Tammi
|
| 812.7 | | ACESMK::CHELSEA | Mostly harmless. | Thu Aug 10 1989 15:03 | 21 |
| Re: .0
>"She is a big girl now".
Yes, but age has never been a sure-fire cure for stupidity.
Start documenting her condition. Perhaps she just doesn't grasp how
serious the situation is. You don't say much about her husband;
perhaps he doesn't know all about what's going on either. If you do go
the unfit mother route, you'll need to have evidence to demonstrate why
she is unfit.
As a big girl, she is responsible not only for herself but for her
children. Either she lives up to her responsibilities or she hands
them over to someone who will.
Al-Anon is a good suggestion. Also, you might want to talk to an
addiction counselor to find out how you can help your sister recognize
her condition instead of denying it. It sounds like you've all fallen
into some patterns of behavior that you need to break; perhaps EAP can
point you to someone who will help you break the cycle.
|
| 812.8 | It works, if you work it | GLDOA::RACZKA | C.B.Raczka /nev/dull @FHO | Thu Aug 10 1989 16:03 | 37 |
|
RE: .0
Folks have offered Al-Anon as a resource to you.
Al-Anon is another 12-Step program that will give families
support from other families in a similar state,
and methods (12 steps) to deal with the situation together.
You can attend alone, but it's designed for families as
Alcoholism is a family desease.
The word is 'detached'. You and your family will learn how to
detach yourselves from the situation and realize your sister
isn't your responsibility.
Another suggestion is Intervention ...
Getting your sister help without taking responsibility for
her problem is called 'intervention'.
Intervention brings the family together with the person who
is having difficulty along with a Doctor who by family
direction will recommend a in-patient treatment program.
After the person has entered treatment Al-Anon is
recommend for the rest of the family ...this way everyone
gets Educated/treated at the same time
Not sure if I clarified this or not but I'd suggest getting
your family together and deciding how everyone wants to
approach it first
Best wishes to you...if you need more info or want personal
testimony send mail
--Christopher
|
| 812.9 | State social services? | ULTRA::WITTENBERG | So Many Women, So Little Time. | Thu Aug 10 1989 16:32 | 10 |
| Is she abusing the children? It's hard to get action based on her
scaring them, but an MD I know had a woman bring in her niece who
had clearly been abused. The Doctor is legally required to report
the abuse (which she did), adn the child was removed from her
parents. I don't know who got custody. My friend thinks that the
aunt was bringing the child to her specifically to get the state
social services groups involved. It certainly worked. (This was in
NY, but I think the laws are similar in much of the country.)
--David
|
| 812.10 | Get legal assistance... | DONVAN::PEGGY | | Fri Aug 11 1989 13:17 | 19 |
| You are in an extremly difficult situation. My prayers are with
you and your entire family, especialy your neices.
Intervention is a good way to go many times. Call your doctor or
the local AA number. I'm sure they can give you alot of information
about it.
As far as calling Chid Protective Services...It may be better to
contact your own lawyer first. If you don't have one think seriously
about retaining one.
There is no garantee that any one in your family will be allowed to
raise the children. They will most likely go to 1 or more foster
homes. CPS are not there for the family there are there ONLY to
see that the child/ren are not abused or neglected.
Above all talk everything over with your relatives and seek outside
help. And remember, just because you love someone that dosen't mean
you have to like everything that they do. (the reverse is equally
true).
Best wishes.
Peggy
|