Conference quark::human_relations-v1

       
       
       	Some words of advice from the moderator of SINGLES and someone who
       has had a number of "electronic relationships"...
       
       	1. Look upon MAIL and PHONE as cute and NOTHING more.
       
       	2. Get on the real phone and away from the electronic stuff ASAP.
       	   
       	3. Try your best to keep serious discussions face-to-face.
       
       Electronic communication leaves alot to be desired.. Yes, at first
       it seems like someone is really opening up to you and for the most
       part, it's true! BUT, after the newness has worn off and you are
       both hanging on the next mail message to pop up on the screen,
       words start to get mis-interpreted.  Then the arguements start.
       Then feelings are getting hurt over something someone TRIED to say
       but someone took wrong.
       
       	The bottom line is that it IS a "different" way to meet people.
       But keep it at "meeting" and save serious and even not-so-serious
       discussion to the real phone where you can hear inflection and
       face-to-face where you can see someone's face..
       
       						mike

Hi Chuck:

You met my fiancee on our volleyball team, but I don't know if you knew
that I met her on the network.  I did.  I had put a short note in Singles
because a friend talked me into doing it.  I was just curious if I would
get a reply.  The rest is history.  She moved here from the Mill after just
six months of electronic mail, vax phone, telephone, letters/cards, and
also visits across the country.

After a few MAIL messages, I called her on the phone to hear her voice.
It was exciting.  It also became quite expensive.  I flew to meet her about
3 months later.  She also came to Co Spgs for a few visits, and an interview.
We had decided that we couldn't be apart.

She decided to move here, as I have a son from another marriage here also.
We overcame many obstacles.  Some were tough.  But tough times don't last.
Tough people do.

I agree that the telephone is a smart idea, if you want to get to know your
new penpal quicker.  Face to face is the best way to develope a relationship,
needless to say, and that may come for you later.  Good luck in your quest.
Let me just say, don't get overly anxious about your network relationship,
but also, don't let anyone tell you that it can't go anywhere either.

Every situation is different.  Every couple is different.  You don't know,
what you don't know.  I had peers tell me why it wouldn't work for me. 
I only knew that if I didn't play the hand out, that I would always wonder,
"what if..."

Again, good luck in your quest.
Dwight

    Hi.  I'm not volunteering but, if would be fascinating if two
    people were willing to strike up an electronic relationship right
    here in this note, for the rest of us to "listen in" on.
    Anyone want to try it ?  (I suppose if I were single I'd be
    willing to maybe try it)
    
    /Eric

    re .4
    
    Wouldn't that be considered electronic voyeurism?  Why don't you
    just read the Singles file?
    
    Would you keep your shades up so the neighbors could "look in"??
    
    Oy vay
    

    The difference between meeting in this notes file, where there's
    a shared interest in building good relationships, and meeting in
    Singles, is the same as the difference between meeting at a lecture
    at your local college and meeting at the local singles bar.
    
    --bonnie

    RE.6
    let me get this straight.  anyone in the singles file is a horrid
    lecherous beast and anyone in this notesfile is a morally and
    intellectually superior saint?

    
    
    
                               -<  WORKS FOR ME!  >-
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    
    (Only kidding)  8^D

       
       
       	RE: .6
       
       	I take minor exception to the comments Bonnie. Although I have NO
       control as to who notes in Single, nor am I particulary pleased
       with some of the quality of people in Singles, there ARE a NUMBER
       of good people and many people have found ALOT of happieness here.
       
       	I've been to a number of lectures that were alot worse that
       a singles bar.. Trust me, some of my friends went to them JUST
       to meet girls! What's the diff??
       
       						mike
       						Moderator/Creator of Singles

    Ooops!
    
    Sorry, careless phrasing.   I just wanted to point out that if we
    did do an "experimental relationship" here, it might not tell us
    anything about meeting in Singles, because the two experiences are
    quite dissimilar. 
    
    I did not by any stretch of the imagination mean to imply that
    meeting at a singles bar was inferior to meeting at a lecture,
    only that when you start out with a shared interest in something
    (in this case relationships) in addition to singleness, the
    relationship will begin and proceed differently than when you
    start out with nothing in common but singleness. 
    
    I can see how my phrasing wasn't clear, but it wasn't what
    I meant.
    
    --bonnie

    Bonnie, 
    
    Actually, I took it the way you meant it.  In hind site, I hope
    nobody took my reply [ 8^P ] the wrong way.  After all, I met my
    dear sweet hubby in the most shameless singles bar (The House of
    Zodiak - aka "The Zoo") in Hartford.  It was there that I spent
    many a long hour with many a good friend.  It's an interesting
    sub-culture.  Thinking about it, that might just make a good topic
    here.
    
    Marion

    
    Someone care to enlighten me as to what the control characters 
    (e.g. 8^P) mean...? 
    
    

       
       
       	As I said, I only took minor exception.. :-)
       
       						mike

    re: .12
    
    They aren't control characters (though they are real 'characters'
    at times ;-)  <--- there's another one!
    
    What these are are faces and expressions.  Take the one I did in
    the last line "" ;-) "".  Now, turn your terminal on its side with
    the ')' on the bottom and you will see that it is a smiling face
    with a winking eye.  There are several 'faces' that you can make
    to help show your mood.  there is a note someplace that list hundreds
    of faces and what they mean.
    
    Some examples:
    
    :-) smile
    ;-) smile with a wink
    8-) glasses
    :^) nose
    :^& wry grin
    :^} sinister grin
    :^Q smoker
    :^( sad face
    <:-) hat
    :*) clown nose
    etc, etc, etc
    
    Many noters customize their own so have fun!
    jim
    (sorry for the digression)
    

    I've had a lot of fun in singles bars in my day . . . but that
    day was a while back.
    
    Maybe talking about the singles subculture would be intersting.
    
    --bonnie

    Please - no more "icons" here!  You can find a BIG list of them
    in ANYWAY::ASKENET note 105.
    
    				Steve

    RE the original topic of electronic relationships.
    
    How about platonic/pen-pal relationships. I found a handful of these
    kind of relationships as a result of my SINGLES entry. Most of these
    pen-pals are people I've never met, I enjoy their sense of humor,
    stories etc. I find it to be very nonthreatening and those little
    bleeps across my screen during the day put a smile on my face. And
    couldn't we all use something to like that in our life?

    Gail
    

    I have met some of the nicest people I know through notes conferences.
    I never really thought of it that way, but I guess "nonthreatening"
    is a good way to describe them.  In most cases I don't expect that
    I will ever meet these people fact to face.  In a way, that lends
    a very nice feeling to the relationship.  Sort of "friends for friend's
    sake".
    
    Marion

    I've met some of my best friends through notes files -- in more
    than one case we've met and moved on to a new dimension of
    friendship.  At least one other friend is still a netfriend, and
    since she lives in California and I live in NH it's likely to
    remain a pen-pals relationship for a long time. 
    
    I'm not sure I would use non-threatening to describe any of
    these friendships.  They challenge my opinions and my opinions
    of myself, and that is not a safe thing to do.  

    An electronic friendship is different.  It's not necessarily
    less intense or less intimate, but because the contacts are
    not so immediate, allow little nonverbal feedback, and tend
    to be less sponteneous, they are different from friendships
    conducted face to face.
    
    --bonnie

    
    	Electronic relationships are nothing new; A friend claims his
    parents met (and fell in love) over the *telegraph* wire...SOS...
    ... --- ... and all!
    
    	Expect the day to come when this utility is part of the household,
    when the cable TV people figure out they might as well make that
    box do everything; reciever *and* computer with service options!
    Electronic relationships will be common...
    
    	Joe Jas

    
    As I mentioned in an earlier reply, I have met some of the nicest
    people I know on the network.  Earlier this year I was away for
    two months (wedding & honeymoon).  I was really suprised at how
    much I missed NOTES.  Since I am a contractor it is not unlikely
    that I will be separated from Digital for perhaps long stretches
    at a time.  I really dread that day so much that I had sent away
    for some CompuServe information to see if there was any sort service
    that could serve the same purpose.  Their FORUMS sounds similar.
    Anybody have any experience with any variety of network type setup?
    
    Marion

    
    I have been a part of an "electronic relationship" for about some
    9 months now (or so)..  We've chatted about all kinds of things
    from soup to nuts..  We are getting to the point of one screen
    messages, where we started out with 2 or 3 screens.. sometimes more
    than once a day.. 
    I have mentioned in messages to meet..  and we have chatted on the
    phone a few times.. but .. for one reason or another.. it hasn't
    happened.  
    Our conversing is a result of 'singles' file..   I have met others
    from that file..  some good.. some not so good..       the not so
    good ones have strengthened the idea of keeping things as they are.
    If by chance one day we do meet..     ....????  I'll cross that
    bridge when its in front of me.   In the meantime..  I'm smiling
    everytime I see the "New mail from .................." pop up on
    the screen... 
    
    

    I've made many new friends though mail. I have even met some of
    them and we are still friends. I like to correspond with different
    folks. It sort of breaks up the day a bit. :^{)
    
    Dennis

    I just stumbled across this while looking for another topic; really.
    I am married, happy, and constantly working at it so it stays that
    way.
    
    Here is my point - as people, we all need to feel wanted and to
    feel that we have something to give back in return, but remember,
    you have to work hard at relationships.  Chance electronic encounters
    can be misleading (so it seems) so don't spend to much energy decieving
    yourself.  If you are impressed with the way someone expresses
    themselves here, you may like them even more when you meet them in
    person.
    
    Remember, friends are as important as lovers, and often times strong
    friendships turn into lasting relationships.