Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    
    The key thing for us was that after having dated for a week or two
    we felt as if we'd been together much much longer. It felt "right".
    

This question brings back memories of days long gone...

Adi and I were a part of a very tightly-knit social group and had 
been  going steady  for about a year.  'Going steady' was a  very 
formal and well understood status in that culture.  It implied  a 
certain level of commitment.  I  took it for granted that I'd see 
her  every  day I was in town and that she will see no  one  else 
when I was not.

One  evening,  a  bunch  of us were sitting in  somebody's  house 
and the discussion turned to marriage.  I made the statement that
I was happy with things the way they were,  that I didn't want to
get married - ever.

One  of  the  guys,  a good looking Don Juan who  had  been  very 
successful with the ladies, turned to me and said, Ronnie, you're 
an idiot. Adi is the best thing that ever happened to you in your 
life and if you do not marry her, someone else will.

He then turned to her and proposed. He said that he realized they 
were not in love, but they were very good friends (as, indeed, we 
all were) and won't have surprises. He said that he could provide 
for her a lot better that I could (God's truth) and that he would 
appreciate her a lot more.

It was apparent Giora was very serious. We all became very quiet. 
He  spoke  for a while and said a lot more.  I remember his  last 
words were,  "Say yes,  and I'll get a Rabbi in here right  now". 
Not  practical,  seeing  that  it was late  at  night,  but  very 
impressive.

Next  morning I went back to school (in another town.  I  usually 
stayed  the  week and came home for weekends).  I  kept  thinking 
about the evening before and realized that if one day she decided 
to  leave me,  I'd be totally devastated.  I wasn't sure I  loved 
her, in the same way I didn't love myself  -  I simply thought of
her as part of me and felt that if I  didn't have  her around,  I
would be --in an inexplicable way-- maimed.

So, the next weekend I told her that we were going to be married. 
She didn't seem very impressed.  As usual,  she knew it all along 
and simply waited for me to find out for myself. I then said that 
this doesn't change anything - I'll still be THE MAN,  I'll still 
be wearing the pants; I'll still be making all the big decisions. 

Over  twenty five years later,  we're still happy and still  very 
married (and,  yes, I guess I was right: things remained the same 
and  she still has me wound around her little finger).  She's  in 
Europe now, touring it with the two girls (one of whom is already 
married  while  the other says she never will.  Guess  who  takes 
after dad). I am here, using Saturday morning to write a note...

In retrospect, Giora was right. I havn't seen him in four or five 
years,  but heard that he is divorced now.  Had Adi accepted  his 
public  proposal,  those twenty six years ago,  he would probably 
still be happily married today.

-- Ron

    EX SO...
    Poor judgement folks just plain ole poor judgement.
    

    We had been going together for about 2 years and had reached
    a point where we actually got along well! Then my wife had a
    chance to relocate to Denver and we had to make a decision. 
    We got married and it just keeps getting better! 
    
    I guess to sum up, we both concluded that we couldn't just keep
    drifting along forever just working the same job and 'going
    steady'. Some of our friends from that time and place (Bell
    Labs 1982) still haven't come to that conclusion.

    
    well, the first s.o......
    	we met at a club that i was playing in....
    	she was married as was i.
    	we both admitted to not loving our spouses.
    	started spending llots of time together....got seperated from
    ex-spouses...recognized how happy and in love we were....and started
    living together....3 of the best years of my life!
    
    the 2'nd s.o.
    	met on a dock in maine...my kids and i were fishing...she and
    her child came along, joined us...ended spending the whole night
    and week together...started a long distance romance that was
    wonderful for 2 years!
    
    the 3'rd s.o. (and current)
    	kidded each other in the halls at first
    	started talking
    	met for a drink
    	started spending days/weeks together...
    	on a mistty afternoon in newport, overlooking the shore...
    told her that i wasn't sure what love really was but boy did i think
    i loved her!!!
    she reciprocated and we've been together since...2.5 years.
    
    i wonder what the next ones will be like?
    

        I am a little amused by the sequence:
        
            well, the first s.o......
		she was married as was i.
        
        Would you count your spouse at the time you met your "first
        S.O." your zeroth S.O.? This is compatible with computerese
        zero-based counting, but mildly confusing in more normal social
        circumstances. Or are you suggesting that she was not
        significant? 
        
        JimB.

    would you believe that I grew so close to him within a month I decided
    to spend my life with him....and he with me?  That we were soul
    mates?  No, it's not perfect...but perfection might get boring.
    Things seem to get better and better though....
    
    -Jody
    

There's some more confusion in there...

	You talk about "a happy 2 years together" and then you talk about
	the next s.o.

	You left out whatever suddenly made a "happy 2 years" become
	terrible, and hence (another) breakup.

	In fact, about three times you repeatedly talked about
	wonderful times with an s.o. and each time you left out the
	important detail about why the breakup.

/Eric

    
    Perhaps, methinks, it had something to do with her father...
    
    and the shotgun he was wielding at the time...
    
    8^)

    
    RE: .5 -
    
    Regardless of the previous jokes (the line *was* open) I admire
    that you remembered the good times, the happy times, above all when
    the romance(s) ended.  And who knows?  With an outlook like that,
    your current S.O. may become *THE* S.O. for life.
    
    May we *all* look back and see sunshine........

    |-)
    
    Carol
    

    
    re 11
    carol...excellent!
    welcome to theg club of openminded and growing people!
    
    re 6, 8...jim and eric
    
    i was 19 
    she was 20
    it was those hippy days of free love
    she wandered into the apartment like a stray cat.
    and got pregnant.
    
    i suggested living together and raising the child but not
    getting married cuz i didn't love her.
    
   after awhile, when i become quite involved emotionally with the
    child, she said...."marry me or i go away and you'll never
    see the child again!"
    
    this i couldn;t bear.
    so we got married
    had another child
    then i met the first s.o.
    and we fell in love
    and i got seperated
    got custody of the kids
    
    and have been happy ever since.
    
    the first s.o.?  a terrible break up?
    no...after about 3 years we were no longer in love like we
    had been for the  first 2 years.
    we decided to end it before the battes begun.
    it hurt both of us to let go but it was the right thing to do
    and i've been happy since....except for noting.
    
    the 2'nd s.o. and i had some rough times though.
    she wanted to get married for life and i didn't believe that
    anyone has the right to ask "forever" from anyone or to offer
    "forever" to anyone.
    
   we still loved each other at the time of the breakup but i wanted
    to be free and she wanted to play traditional married games.
    
    so we split....that was rough for about 6 months...to a year...
    but, not being one to sit around and mope, i found things to do
    and managed to amuse myself until i was over the breakup.
    
    i still see her on occasion...as friends.
    
    the last thing she said to me, during our breakup, was...
    "i'll always love you"
    
    i said "don't be silly, you'll meet someone who fits your life
    style better and fall in love again"
    
    she said "nope...just you."
    
    she's happily married now....!
    so much for "forever"
    
    i don't care how long a relationship lasts.
    i don't even think about it.
    i stay with a person as long as we're both happy.
    after that.....time to move.
    

RE: .12

"she wandered into the apartment like a stray cat. and got pregnant."

Odd... I've allways thought of the verb  'got pregnant' was plural...

Jim. :-{ 

    
    re 13.
    how silly of me.
    yup we did *it* and we got pregnant and i stayed with the child
    and i'm still with the child and have paid every last cent for the
    upbringing of that child from 0--15.11 years.
    
    how nice of me.
    

    
    Well, no wait, it's like this....
    
    I said, "Kathy," (cuz that's what I call her), "I *love* you!"
    
    And she said, "Dwight..."
    
    So I said, "what?"  (well what YOU say?)
    
    And she said, "I love you too!"
    
    So I said, "Will you, I mean could you, say, well.... I guess what
    I want to say is, would you mind marrying me very much???"
    
    And she said, "Dwight...."
    
    So I said, "What?"  (well what would YOU say?)
    
    And she said, "I'd love to marry you...but why do you want to marry
    me?"
    
    And I said, "Cuz, that's what YOU DO!!!
    
    The End
    *Dwight*
    

    Will somebody please tell MY Italian that "that's what YOU DO"
    
    He must have missed something in his upbringing.
    "Marriage?  Huh?  I mean, sure we're going to spend the rest of
    our lives together, but only *old* people get married"
    
    Stacie

    we were happily living together for 3 whole months.  my sister called
    from her home in hawaii and said she was gonna come home with her
    hawaiian fiance to get married.  said i to robert: "she won't be
    able to afford another trip to ny for maybe 20 years, so we'd better
    get married with her so she can be at my wedding.  said robert:
    ok.
    
    jacki
    
    (ps. double weddings are really fun!)
    

    re: .24 & .25  (and general to all noters...)
    
    NOTE: This is *totally* off the subject, but...
    
    I have seen this several times and believe that it is not intentional,
    rather due to the fact that many noters don't know how to correct
    the problem.  REPLY .24 had an error in it and the author cited
    a correction with REPLY .25.
    
    This is not necessary (but *may* have been intentional; what do
    I know... ;-).  Anywho, a more proper way to correct the problem
    is as follows...
    
    With the erroneous note displayed (eg: while reading the erroneous
    note) type 'DELETE'.  Answer 'Y' at the prompt.  Your reply will
    be deleted and the *previous* reply will be displayed.  At this
    time type the command 'REPLY/LAST'.  A reply will be started and
    it will be filled with the reply that you just deleted!!.  You can
    now go through it and edit it to correct the error that you noticed.
    
    When you are done, you finish up as with any other reply.  Hope
    this helps.
    
    To the Moderators:  If there is a better place for this type of
    information let me know and I will modify and move it.  Or, you
    are welcome to.
    
    jim
    

    Re: .26
    
    This information is in the conference introduction in note 1.1.
    
    					Steve

    I still don't know why my S.O. proposed to me.
    	
    I keep telling him he's crazy, but he insists (and I'm glad!!!)
    
    
    			denise                                 

Gerry and I had known each other for 13 years before he proposed marriage to
me.  Each year Gerry, his brother and various other friends (all guys) go out
west or to Europe to ski for a month or so.  Since his work is seasonal he is
able to do this.  Each year, however, the group gets smaller.  One by one the
friends he goes with have gotten married, had kids, or had girlfriends that
would pressure them into skipping the trip.  In 1987, only four of the "old 
gang" were able to make the trip.  It seems that his brother had asked him
if I had ever attempted to dissuade him from going.  When he responded that I
had never tried to do so, the members of the group basically said "You better
grab her.  She's one in a million".  He proposed to me the day he got back!

Marion                                                                   

    We have been going together for 4 years.  I moved in with him 
    2 1/2 yrs. ago (trial).  He proposed to me on Easter of this year
    by giving me an easter basket filled with candy, and in the middle
    of the basket was a big egg....
    
    
    and much to my surprise...
    
    a diamond stuffed in the egg!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    
    
    Then he asked "Will you be my wife"
    
    I laughed -- it just sounded so funny.  I accepted of course!