Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    I read a certain bias in the way you worded your note, Bob - perhaps
    it was my imagination.  It sounded to me like you might feel that such
    women didn't deserve to begin a relationship that "late" in life.
    
    In any case, I'd simply suggest that such women just feel that they
    are now ready for a relationship, not necessarily that they suddenly
    "need" one.  I liken it to a married couple who waits until they
    have been married several years and are financially (and hopefully
    emotionally) secure before having children.  It may be a very smart
    woman indeed who realizes that, what with the way the world tends
    to work, that she'd have a harder time attaining her goals if she
    got involved with a man too early.  (This presumes that most men
    are not supportive of "their" women being independently successful
    - a presumption which, sad to say, I feel is justified.)
    
    In any event, I see men doing the same thing - waiting until they
    are near 30 or later before "settling down".  What's their
    justification?
    					Steve

I feel that people who conciously postpone relationships are missing out on
life.  It's like it was in college, 'Oh, I can't get involved now, I have to
wait until I get out of school.'.  It's like saying, "I can't live now, I'm too
busy working...". 

That kind of depravation is not worth it; you might as well hack those years out
of your life and throw them away, have them excised from your memory.  You will
not miss them, because nothing exciting can happen, because you will not let it.

Then again, there are some people who are not ready for marriage, or whatever.
But even that is no excuse, because the best way to get ready is to *practice*. 

Jim.

    Maybe after a woman has managed to attain all of the unattainables
    and reach all of the goals our modern money-oriented society puts
    forth and she has reached an age where she has to stop and evaluate her
    life and accomplishments and values......she realizes that most
    of the things that our culture values are not worth very much 
    over the course of time.
    Maybe women judge themselves differently than society as a whole. 
    To a woman the relationships she nurtures are more important than the
    objects she accumulates.  If she was a 'late bloomer' trying to make it
    in a man's world while living up to the everybody else's standards
    (parents, friends, church), she might not have taken the time to be
    aware of how she herself felt, of what she herself wanted to accomplish
    with her life.  Young girls are often pressured to ' behave, be
    good, do as you are told.  Parents don't tend to conciously raise
    their daughters to be strong.  Some women have to live a lifetime
    before they find the strength to accept themselves as they really are.
                         
    (come to thing of it.....some men do too eh?  :-)             

    Bob,
    
    Some women may pospone relationships because they may not find a
    suitable mate until they are in their 30s or 40s.  Some people 
    (men and women) are simply choosier than others and prefer to wait
    until the right person enters their life.  With the divorce rate
    so high, there seems to be more caution out there.
    
    Just one woman's opinion.
    
    -Nancy

If you can't find the right person, that is not postponing a relationship,
that is not having the requirements for one...

Jim.

    
    Maybe some people/women feel that they will miss out on life more
    if they marry young than if they wait.  Nowadays with so many more
    options open for young women to pursue careers, have their own
    apartments, enjoy pre-marital sex relationships, birth control,
    there is not the pressure to rush into married life that there once
    was for women.  Fifty years ago (30?) it was either get married
    or be an old maid and live home with your folks forever, if you
    were a "nice girl".  Thank heavens those days have changed!  I only
    wish *I* had been bright enough in my late teens to realize that
    marriage isn't the only route to happiness!  Many times I have thought
    to myself, if I were making big money, had an interesting career,
    and could afford to live in my own house, and travel to Europe once
    a year, would relationships with men mean as much to me as they
    always have??  (Hmmm - I tend to think not.)
    
    Lorna
    

    For me it wasn't ever that complicated.  I never had ambitions to
    be a brain surgeon at an early age...I just went year by year, having
    relationships of different degrees of seriousness, and working,
    and living, and so forth.  Once and a while a marriage proposal
    would happen---and I'd think to myself, nope, not now;  nope, not
    you; nope, I'm not ready;  whatever. 
    
    So now I find myself mid-thirties, living the kind of life I enjoy,
    and how about that--I'm ready for a "serious" relationship, and
    am in a "serious" relationship, am loving the "serious relationship",
    and find it's not all that serious--it's fun.  I guess my "get down
    and get serious" clock went off at a good time for me.
    
    Maybe I should have had more serious reasons for not having a serious
    relationship earlier in life--but I wasn't serious enough.
    
    Seriously,
    
    Jane  ; )

    Are you insinuating that women do this any more than me do?  I'm
    just curious...
    
    It seems like I've met a lot of men in my life who want to get their
    education complete, spend some of their first earned money on 'toys,
    playing, traveling, etc' and continue to get varied experiece in
    their field.  At some point in their life (high school, college,
    after?) this usually includes mass quantities of partying and dating
    as much as possible.  
    
    Once all of this is 'out of their system', then they are ready to
    find one place that they'd be happy to live, become a little more
    financially responsible, and ready to 'support a family'.
    
    In a way, I guess that as a woman, I can relate to some of those
    feelings.  I will probably move at least once more before I settle
    down.  Unless I find someone who has *EVERYTHING* that I am looking
    for between now and then, I will probably be single until I am in
    my thirties.  Once I've done a few more of the things I'd like to
    do, then I'd be willing to make more compromises for someone else.
    
    Just-another-woman's-opinion,
    
    Peggy

I think there is a difference in not wanting to get married, settle down,
and stay in the same place for the rest of your life; and not wanting to
have any other person to intrude into your life, or share your life with.

Jim.

    Bob, it sounds simple to me....
    
    They Feel like it!