Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    I have two rituals for significant days:
    
    1.	Consciously review/refine my goals and see how far off track
    	I have gotten.  That is usually enough to realign me.
    
    2.	Enumerate the ways in which I am lucky.  That is usually enough
    	to smash any twinges of self-pity, and focus me on the positive.
    
    Champagne doesn't sound like a bad idea, though!
    

    When my divorce went through, I went out to dinner with friends.
    It wasn't a very happy day for me (at the time, I mean; I am much
    better off now!) since I was the one who had wanted to try to work
    things out, so I wasn't exactly celebrating (also, my ex had drained
    my bank account buying furniture for his new girlfriend, so I couldn't
    afford to do much even if I had wanted to).
    
    Nowadays, when anniversaries come around, we go out with a bunch
    of friends and enjoy a Chinese banquet and some fine champagne!
    If you like champagne, that's the way to celebrate!  (As I said,
    I am much, much better off now: I married my best friend!)

    
        I know what you're asking and I think it is different for everyone
    who has been thru divorce.  After one year of separation, a few
    close friends talked about a bachelors party for me to celebrate
    the day of divorce.  When that day was determined, I kept it quiet
    as I was in no mood for parties nor did I want a bunch of babbling
    friends telling me how lucky I was.  On my first anniversary, I spent
    the night alone anchored off an island, looking at the stars.  Quiet 
    and peaceful.  It was a good time for looking back and ahead.

        For any happy occasion, champagne is probably the thing to do
    with friends.  For your date in December, why not a quiet evening
    with your daughters for close company.  Do something that would
    be warming emotionally for you and your daughters.  Keep in mind
    that although it's an end of a page in your life, it's also a new
    beginning with hope for the future.

        I wish you the best and hope you find whatever support you need.

	Keep looking towards the sun,

	Lee

    This question is now relevant to me.  My divorce will be final on
    November 6.  I hardly feel like celebrating - especially as it
    denotes a loss of something that once meant a lot to me.  But I
    expect I will also feel like a tremendous burden has been lifted
    from my shoulders.  I'll probably have a quiet dinner with a close
    friend and try to forget the past and instead look to the future.
    
    					Steve

    
    
    For those happy occasions, I prefer to share them with my friends.
    Hopefully they will be as happy as I in the sharing of that joy.
    
    For those occasions that are less than joyful ( I too have been
    divorced), friends can help in the sharing pain.
    
    	In either case, listen to your heart and celebrate accordingly.
    As stated in another reply, celebrating with champagne under the
    circumstances would seem hollow and inappropriate.
    
    
    It may be hard to believe, but the sun will shine tomorrow.
    
    Don (My days are still cloudy but the sun is still there)

	> What to do to "celebrate" the big "D"?

	I'd suggest spending a quiet evening with a really close friend.
	Nothing big, fancy, noisy.  Just some time together, a simple
	dinner, talk if it feels right, build a fire, walk in the woods,
	stroll on the beach (if it's nearby), you get the picture.

	Time to reflect on the change in your life, not the time to make
	grand and glorious plans (that will come later), just *TIME*.  Spent
	with someone you are totally comfortable with.  Who you can relax
	with and hurt with, if the mood hits you.  As someone said, "Time heals
	all wounds, and wounds all heels."

	Steve

    RE:  .9
    
    Champagne "hollow and inappropriate".  I disagree.
    I know what you're saying you can't cry in your beer and expect
    things to get better,  but Good Times or Bad its nice to escape
    for a while.  I mean, you don't have to go over board but if
    you do "don't plan" on driving.  I usually throw my own birthday
    party every year.  What better way to get the people there you
    want, then to invite them yourself, right?  So my mother, sisters
    and brother do the cooking and decorating but I do the inviting.
    
    I also had a disengagement party last year when my boyfriend backed
    out of marrying me "cold feet".  (The ring was conviently in the
    Jewelry Shop being sized).  I didn't want to keep it but I would
    of liked the satisfaction of throwing it back at him.  Anyway, the
    finale of the party was when I hung my teddy bear he gave me on
    the kitchen ceiling.  It felt good to release that frustration of
    being hurt.  I am also planning an eviction party at the end of
    next month (Halloween night)!  What have I got to lose?  I guess
    I'm just a party animal and proud of it, its better than sulking!