Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    Bob, it is easy to say that it could easily happen, but to actually handle
    it when this does arise - is another thing.
    
    I hope that if the two individuals were honest with each other,
    and admitted that they did want to pursue the possibility of another 
    more *promising* *fullfilling* relationship - the SO would be 
    understanding and open to the suggestion/idea.
    
    Again, it is easy to say that now, but I am not so sure if I would
    handle it as well as I would like to.
                                                                  
    I guess the deciding factor would be the type of relationship and
    love for one another.  
    
    Isn't there an old saying? = If you let it go - and it doesn't return,
    it was never yours in the first place, 
    
    if it returns.........
    
    If it's a relationship for convienence, it could work out for both.
           
    
    

    
    sorry but I see this as just another cop out for CHEATING..
    
    let me say that sometimes I know that when involved in a relationship
    another person comes into your life and you know that this is really
    something that makes you happy and you would like to explore this
    as a possible relationship.. then you have to decide if the one
    you are currently involved in is something you can give up.. if
    not than you have no right to explore the new one.. if you do decide
    you can part with the old than do so before embarking on the new
    one...  of course I apply this to relationships that are commited..
    this is not of course applicable to relationships where both parties
    have decided in advance that the door is always open..
    
    maybe I am old-fashioned.. but I believe that in a committed
    relationship you don't go out exploring new back yards till you
    have cleaned up yer old one!!                            
    
    gailann
    
    
    
    

    I interpreted this topic to raise the question: if its inevitable
    that you WILL break up, is it acceptable to stick with the old
    relationship while cultivating a new one.  If that's the topic,
    I'd like to put in 2 cents.
    
    When faced with an unhappy marriage, I thought about that one. 
    I mean, why not make it easy on myself?  I came to the conclusion
    that it would be because I couldn't face myself in the mirror. 
    I separate this from cheating.  If I cheated, that is, have an affair
    while in an on-going relationship, I would not feel that I am wrong.
    But if I am unhappy in a relationship, and am such a weak person
    that I have to find another comfort before I leave the old one,
    I deem myself unworthy of being called a man.  In my case, I made
    sure that when I left my ex, I walked into a cold world.  
    
    Strange, or morals; making one thing right, and another wrong.

    Another twist to the question might be...
    
    If you are happy in a relationship, but see it going nowhere in
    terms of committment, how long do you stay in it???
    
    If you someday want to get married, and s/he doesn't, how long to
    you stay hoping "the other" will change their mind???
    
    If you enjoy being with the other person but know s/he is not the
    one for you, that you really aren't compatible, when do you make
    the break???
    
    If you both are happy with the status quo, do you leave it as it
    is, and hope it will get better, or do you make the break, and hope
    that something better might come along???
    
    That is how I read 87.0... was I close????
    
    GLK

    Good heavens!!  Quick, everyone, answer ALL of the questions in
    .4!!  I seem to be in that exact position and could sure use some
    input, guidance (sympathy?), whatever!!
    
                     Deb.
    

    	Well, I think I'm answering the question regarding considering
    marriage, but then again...I may be missing the point completely.
    Anyway, my ex-girlfriend was in the "I must get married before I
    turn 27" mode, and I knew it.  I, being not ready for the ultimate
    commitment, kept dodging the issue.  She patiently put up with my
    reluctancy.  Until, at some point in in our relationship, she could
    stand it no more.  Now, understand that I work second shift and
    she worked first, so we couldn't see each other as much as we would
    have liked...this also, must have rubbed her the wrong way.  So,
    she started looking outside the relationship for companionship.
    Well, she found someone else who could occupy her time more readily
    than I could, and she decided to call it quits with me.  So, my
    opinion of that type of situation is that sometimes it's good for
    the relationship (only if it is mutually agreed upon).  In my case,
    it wasn't but, then again...her's seemed to be the ultimate vote.
    
    					Phil
    

RE: .5


"If you are happy in a relationship, but see it going nowhere in terms of
committment, how long do you stay in it???" 

"If you someday want to get married, and s/he doesn't, how long to you stay
hoping "the other" will change their mind???" 
       
"If you enjoy being with the other person but know s/he is not the one for you,
that you really aren't compatible, when do you make the break???" 
    
"If you both are happy with the status quo, do you leave it as it is, and hope
it will get better, or do you make the break, and hope that something better
might come along???" 

   If committment is important to you, then stay untill you recieve the
   committment, be it in this relationship or another one.  I would ask myself
   if/why committment was so important before changing anything, though.
   
   Can you be committed to one who is not committed to you though?  I would not
   fault one who wanted committment for leaving one who could never give it. 

   If you want something better, then work for something better, either in that
   relationship or in another.  Leaving it as it is and hoping it will get
   better is a pretty sure way to fail. 
   
Jim.

'I will not give you advise.  I will share my thoughts with your heart.  Then
let your heart do what it wills...'

    Help...
    
    What does one do when they are unsure of a relationship? There are
    some days when the relationship seems to be going great, and then
    other days, you think it is going to end before the night is over...
    
    How do you deal with the insecurities???  I don't WANT to go looking
    for another, I'm quite happy where I'm at... except when all the
    insecurities creep in,and then I don't know what to do...
    
    Has anybody else gone through this??/
    
    
    Help!

          Seems to me, I was in somewhat of  the  same  situation
     but  never did have the chance to resolve it as she left for
     another state before I knew  what  had  happened.   No  real
     insecurities  but just knew from a gut feeling, the relation
     was not destined to be.  One day I arrived  home  and  found
     her  gone.  Only left a note in her wake and never did heard
     from her since.  Not even after 7 months.  It was  something
     I  would  liked  to  have understood.  I know there wasn't a
     truly bonding relation but good friendship for three months.
     Not even a ghost now.  Kind of strange as I would have never
     expected it.  Looking back, I still can't see  any  telltale
     signs.   I  guess  "nothing"  is  forever  and  "nothing" is
     secure.  I don't harbor any ill feelings towards her  though
     I don't have any desire to see her again.

          I doubt there is a good answer to  how  you  deal  with
     insecurities,  Each situation is probably an individual case
     where one answer may not even come close  to  another.   The
     only  thing  I  can  think of is communication.  If you feel
     insecure, talk about it with him/her and let  your  feelings
     be  known.  Maybe, you might find there is no foundation for
     them, but then again.

     Sometimes all you can say is "farm out man"