Conference quark::human_relations-v1

    I have no quarrels with any of these suggestions, including item
    2 (Smile at people), but I think that the persistent argument about
    the relative number of muscles needed to smile or frown is just
    short of ridiculous.  What difference does it make?  Smile if you're
    happy, and frown when it makes sense to do so.  I like to smile
    and do it a lot.  One could almost argue that you get more exercise
    by frowning!
    					Steve

    I think the point that .0 is trying to make is that it is easier
    to smile than to frown because of the number of muscles needed to
    do either.
    
    					*** Kristy ***

        Be judicious in how you use other people's names. Although
        it has become fairly common to be familiar with everybody
        in our culture, there are a good number of people who still
        prefer a more traditional approach. By this I mean calling
        strrangers and people with who you are conducting business
        Mr. Smith and Miss, Mrs. or Ms. Jones or slightly less formally
        as John Doe or Mary Smith.
        
        To many of us there is nothing more galling than a salesman
        who calls us by our first names or by our nick names, except
        one who calls us by a nick-name that we never use. This may
        seem cold and old fashioned, but you still won't win friends
        and influence people if you call Miss Manners "Judy" before
        you are introduced or invited to.
        
        JimB. (Who feels that his use of a nick name as a signature
        	qualifies as an invitation to address him by it
        	within notes, by the way. No "Mr. Burrows"es
        	required here.)

    Re .2:
       Yes, I know that's the point.  I just think that this argument,
    which I have seen dozens of times over the years, is as ridiculous
    as "Baby on Board" signs.  Smile because you're happy, no matter
    how many muscles it takes!
    					Steve

    re: smiling	
    
       		    I agree with Suzanne on smiling when the 
    		chips are down...when I first moved here, and
    		after the initial euphoria wore off, I realized
    		that Massachusetts was not my idea of a perfect
    		state by any stretch of the imagination.  My 
    		outlook on things in general were, needless to say,
    		SOUR.  I walked around with a perpetual frown
    		every waking hour, complicated by this crazy
    		cold, wet, seemingly never-ending cloud cover.
    		Eventually, I just got sick of being a sourpuss,
    		I realized that the weather, people's attitudes,
    		and the other multitudes of inconsistencies were
    		not going to disappear, so I decided to LOVE IT 
    		OR LEAVE IT.  Well, I couldn't leave just then, so 
    		I had to love it.
    
         	Well, after celebrating my one year anniversary
    		in this state, I've found that not only do I like
    		it here, but I would be hard pressed to leave.
    		Although, if someone handed me a oneway ticket to
    		California.....                               
    
    						Phil

    Ann Landers got most of those from the old salesman himself, Dale
    Carnegie.  That's why the first name and smile-through-the-rain
    stuff is in there.  
    
    I did get that name point that Suzanne was talking about brought
    home to me recently.  We were relocating, and our real estate agent
    was named Deborah.  On our first meeting I hit it off pretty good
    with her, and when she phoned a short time later, I called her Debbie.
    Stone silence, then she went on with the conversation.  I got the
    message, and its been Deborah since (she and her husband are now
    personal friends).
    
    Those are good rules in the base note, I'm going to extract them
    and stick them on the wall.

    re: quark::lionel's replies on smiling/frowning
    
    Steve, I was always taught (and am a believer) in doing the best
    job, in the easiest way.  Or "getting the job done with the least 
    amount of work".  
    
    That is how I fell about the "smile/frown = # of muscles".  
    
    You can smile a lot easier than frown!
    
    So, why spend the extra energy using all those other muscles?
    
     

    Ok, ok - I give in.  Smile for whatever reason suits you.
    
    					"Ol' Sourpuss"

	re .8: Definitely, never assume a nickname - I've known many a
	Deborah and Kathleen that would react that way to "Debbie" or
	"Kathy". Use it the name you hear when you you're introduced,
	or ask if you're not sure ("Do you prefer Deborah, or Debbie,
	or Deb...?").
	
	But y'all can just call me Mike

    Use of first names is tied to the culture. It is much more prevalent in
    the US, than in the UK - particularly in the older generation and in
    more traditional industries. When Anita and I first moved to the US we
    were startled when the Realtor started calling us by our first names.
    When my father came to visit he was even more surprised. He came from a
    work environment where he would address all but his peers as Mr, Mrs or
    Miss x - even people that he had known for years. 
    
    Other cultures are more formal than the English. Of course one culture
    is not better or worse than another in this respect. Having got used to
    it I like (for the most part) the informality of the US - although some
    habits die hard. 
    
    So you should try to be sensitive to the occasion and place when
    addressing other people. Informality, or high formality used at the
    wrong time can be equally offensive - usually unintentionally. 
    
    Tim
    

    Sometimes it can be a source for amusement. Many moons ago, a
    new person moved into my then-girlfriend's neighborhood. One
    day, her father went over to the new neighbor and introduced
    himself with a "Hi, I'm Joe Nangle," to which the reply was,
    "Hi, I'm Mr. Anderson."
    
    --- jerry

    This may or may not be the right place to put this but here goes.
    
    Not too long I attended a class called "Assertive Training"
    The instructor gave us a hand-out sheet titled 
    "BILL OF RIGHTS". Now I'll pass this information on to all yoy good
    noters> 
    
    1.	The Right to be Treated with Respect.
    
    2.	The Right to Express Your Own Feelings and Opinions
    
    3.	The Right to Be Heard and Taken Seriously.
    
    4.	The Right to Set Your Own Priorities.
    
    5. 	The Right to Say No Without Feeling Guilty
    
    6.	The Right to Ask What You Want, Knowing 
    	Others Have the Right to Refuse.
    
    7.	The Right to be Paid What You're Worth.
    
    8.	The Right to Ask for Information from Authorities and 
    	Superiors and to Receive Responses in a Timely Manner.
    
    9.	The Right to Make Mistakes.
    
    10.	The Right Not to Assert Yourself.
    
    There you have it friends, The Bill of (Personal) Rights.
    
                                             Ray H.

    re .15
    
    Well, respect and pay and serious attention have to be earned.
    And if you start expressing your feelings and asking to be heard
    when at the theater during a tense moment, you may not get much
    of a positive response.  Nor will you deserve one.
    
    The important ones are 4 and 5.
    
    				-John Bishop