Conference nyoss1::market_investing

President asks his advisors: "What's two plus two?"


Mathematician: It's four mister president

Scientist: "It's 4.000000..."

Economist: "What would you like it to be mister president?"


 

    
    re: -.1
    
    Politician:	"In 4 years, 2+2 will equal at least 8, if not 9"
    
    

    Re: .2
    
    DECie: "Well, the standard package is 4 but I can get you 5 if you go
    	    with ala cart."

(forwardings removed)


                   An New and Improved Easy Guide to 
                     Modern Economic Systems

 SOCIALISM - You have two cows.  The government takes one to give
 to someone else.

 COMMUNISM - You have two cows.  The government takes both and gives
 you the milk.

 FASCISM - You have two cows.  The government takes both and sells
 you the milk.

 NAZISM - You have two cows.  The government takes both and shoots you.

 BUREAUCRACY - You have two cows.  The government takes both, shoots one,
 and pours the milk down the drain.

 CAPITALISM - You have two cows.  You sell one and buy a bull.

 BUSH's NEW CAPITALISM - You have two cows.  You sell one, buy a bull;
	     		 take out huge loan on the the cow, and ignore
			 both the cow and the loan from that point on;
			 then you try to milk the bull, and blame the
			 Japanese for its lack of production.

    
    	Re: .2
    
    	Politician:  "The question of how much 2+2 equals is a very good
    question since it cuts right to the heart of the fundamental question
    facing all Americans today: Its not just a question of "What is the
    value of 2+2?" but, actually is a question of "What are our own values
    and how do compare other values against it?"  Take family values as an
    example.  The American Traditional Family Values have been under attack
    for decades, and I'm sad to say the values have been losing the war. 
    *We* *must* *return* *values* *to* *America!*  Not the values of giving
    our jobs away to others, but the value of keeping our jobs here at
    home.  Jobs, jobs, jobs, that's what this election is all about and I
    intend, as your President, to bring values and jobs back to America.
    That's the real issue of the value of 2+2 and I'll look this issue in
    the eye and face it.  This will be my top priority as President and
    I'll appoint a Blue Ribbon Commission the day after I'm inaugurated to
    make recommendations that can be supported in a bipartisian fashion
    and be passed into Law."
    
    							-craig
    
    p.s.  Sorry, I'm obviously one New-Hampshirite who has seen a few too
    many political ads and debates lately... :-) :-)

    Buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. 
    If it don't go up, don't buy it.

    A national health care system run by the Federal Government
    would combine the efficiency of the post office with the
    compassion of the IRS.
    
    - Health Secretary Robert Sullivan.

    
    Speculation is the process by which small fortunes are made --
    out of large ones.
    
      Alan Ableson

    
    ...which reminds me of a sailing joke, easily adapted for investing:
    
    How do you make a million dollars in the stock market?
    
    
    You start with 5 million dollars, and then you get out fast!

    Monologue of a George Bush imitator:
    
    "My domestic policy:  Low interest rate."
    "Low interest rate, my domestic policy."
    "I have a low interest rate in my domestic policy."
    
    (It was funnier if you saw it in person)

    
    The following quote appeared in Barron's in 1961, when P/E's were
    towering at approximately the same level that they are currently:
    
    "All of the people will not discount the hereafter all of the time"
    
    

On display in my accountants office:

	"The Complete Book of Wall Street Ethics"


Inside, the book contains approximately 100 pages,
	all of which are blank.


~Mike

    Two economists are walking down the street.
    One spots a $20 bill on the sidewalk and reaches to pick it up.
    The other says, "Don't bother, if it were real, someone would
    have already picked it up."
    
    From "Investments", Bodie, Kane and Marcus

    The fellow who picks up the money is the empiracist, the fellow who
    talks is the theoretician.

    
    From memory, from a long time ago:
    
    "An economist is the guy who stands at the edge of the empty pool and
     whispers, "Someone might get hurt."  Then, after the tragic accident,
     he's the first to shout, "I TOLD YOU SO!!!""
    
    /bh/
    

    "An economist has about as much effect on the economy,
    as a weather reporter has on the weather."
    						--anon