Conference noted::sf

                Well, one  day  I was just sitting here writing a
                program that I just happened to call Rob.  It was
                the only one with  that  name  in my account so I
                did a COPY ROB.* PRN:    and  next thing I knew I
                was heading very quickly toward an irised portal.
                I  managed  to  grab  and  hold on  as  countless
                numbers  of  zeros  and  ones  whizzed by me.   I
                wandered  around  and  finally  found my way to a
                MICOM when  I then followed to TSN.  Now everyone
                knows TSN, and  I'm  still  stuck there (god only
                knows  why :-)) patching  this  message  to  you.
                Maybe I'll be able to  get  out  of  here once it
                goes 2400 baud . . .
                
                (Just kidding TSN people.  I  couldn't  think  of
                another way to end my story).
                

    ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I ADMIT IT!! I'm a network junky, an addict.
    I have been since I was a small child.  The lure of new and facinating
    software is what did it to me.  Games over there, a notesfile here,
    an obscure system account forgotten in the chaos of installing
    new software.  I'm hooked.  Oh they've been after me all right.  Each
    new version of VMS comes with more sophisticated accounting and
    tracking packages (and don't think I don't know that we're being
    watched), but so far I've eluded them.  At least until I met......
    DAVO THE DESPERADO......the greatest, toughest, most ingenious byte
    terrorist ever to hit the net!
    
    Oh they've been after him for years but the underground has always
    protected him, moved him from node to node, changing his username
    and ownership of his files.  He programs in macro and there isn't
    a system in the world that can keep him out.  
    
    He organized us. A rag-tag band of kicked around, tough DECys who
    still believed in FREEDOM!!  IN HACKING!! IN INGENUITY BEING MORE
    IMPORTANT THAN SECURITY!!  IN THE DIGNITY OF THE AMERICAN MIND AND
    THE TECHNICAL SYSTEM FROM WHICH IT SPRANG!!!
                                                                      
    He had a plan.  We were going to save DEC and save the world!  we
    were not going to allow the facist, right-wing system security people
    to lock us all in our little directories to slave for the system.
    WE WERE GOING TO EXPLORE THE UNKNOWN!!
    
    In tomorrow's episode, we gather in an unused DEC10 to plan our
    VAXNET JIHAD!!!

    	I can't really believe that there are others.  Last week
    I let curiosity get the best of me.  I decided to break open
    a new DEMPR to see what the little beastie had inside.  Well,
    people where using the ports and I didn't want to unplug it.
    I finally opened it up, lifted the top half of the faraday
    cage off from it, and as I turned to pear inside, BANG!!!!
    In an instant I had been swept into the depths of our own
    thin-wire network.  Let me tell you how fantastic it is
    traveling at 0.75c, it is absolutely awesome.  As I swing
    through T-connectors, terminators, DESTA's, DEMPR's, DELNI's,
    DEREP's, and other assorted network paraphanalia you can see
    a tremendous Doppler shift caused by the different speed of
    at which you can travel in these devices.  Well, I loved this
    so much that I decided to just stay in the local area (where
    the speeds were greater) and avoid any gateways, bridges, or
    adapters.  God only knows how much you'd slow down in an
    overloaded VAXcluster.  But, that gave me an idea.  VAXcluster,
    CI, 10 times faster than this blasted ethernet.  So I took
    a turn into a DEUNA, shot into the SBI, and across the backplane
    to the CI-network adapter where I inserted myself into the 
    100 Mbps interconnect of a 9 node VAXcluster.  It was great,
    until I exceeded to time alloted me on the network.  At this
    a timeout occurred and the damn cluster tried to expel me
    from being a cluster member.  My heart was broken, they succeeded.
    They voted me OUT.  So I left and started trying to find my way
    back to the thin-wire network where I had entered the network.
    As I inserted myself back onto the ethernet though, there was
    a bad collision and the controller of the adapter told me I had
    to back off for 2 ms.  I argued with about the time for a whole
    200 microseconds when the device driver stepped in and pulled me
    all the way to the back of the queue.  I queried the queue manager
    to find out approximately how long I would be tied up.  The queue
    manager replied, telling me the wait would be about 320 ms.  I was
    furious.  I was so furious that I just threw up arms out and
    grabbed hold of a high priority vehicle carrying an urgent system
    message out onto the network.  The queue manager saw the whole
    thing and raised a priority exception.  By this time the vehicle
    I grabbed was through the device driver and waiting at the entrance
    to the ethernet for a ready signal.  I looked behind me into the
    VAX which I had so much trouble in to find it had crashed.  My
    action had been so disorderly that the system was in total chaos.
    Suddenly the vehicle which I grabbed hold took off with me trailing.
    At its destination I let go and continued to the DEMPR which I had
    entered through.  I entered and blacked out.  When I awoke I found
    myself lying next the DEMPR.  Everybody was pissed off because they
    were having problems with our cluster.  Apparently one of the VAX's
    in the cluster crashed for no apparent reason, the cluster was
    registering that the 10th member of the cluster was expelled (when
    we don't even have a 10th VAX), and the ethernet keeps telling
    systems that there is a collision.  Oh well, all in the blink
    of a eye.
    
    The Net Bruiser
    
    

	Hey dudes!  Nice notesfile for a little net-surfing wouldn't you say?
    I think we'll be safe here for the time being; I haven't spotted any net-
    sharks, undertows, or hidden net-coral reefs yet.

	Don't be surprised if we have to ditch our boards and paddle out of
    here to another dimension; remember, there's always danger lurking on the
    net!  Hey look, I think I see some gnarly waves heading our way!

							-davo

    p.s.  Splash!  I was right!  It was a gnarly net-wave!  Surf's up!

        Just got my PRO-350 out of the shop and rushed back to
    the boat to get back on the net about a month ago.  I didn't
    realize I had my radar turned on since there was heavy fog
    and couldn't see anything in the harbor.  I hooked up the
    PRO and turned it on and dialed into the net so as to get
    back intouch with my friends, whenI accidently (as usual)
    hit the compose character key.  Well, it must have been the
    fix field service did, for (and I swear I only blinked for
    an instant) I found myself in a strange new world.  I was
    still aboard the LEEWAY but going slow even for a sailboat
    and I decided it must have been the tidal current I was riding.
    There were many streaks of light passing me by so I hoisted
    sail and it helped some.

        At my first port of call, I asked the harbor master what
    was happening and his reply was that I was in Ma Bell and
    moving only at 1200 Baud but bear with it as a cruising boat
    is not expected to win any races!  After making many harbor
    jumps I finally arrived at what seemed to be a familar place.
    I gave a call on the radio to the harbormaster and was advized
    to check in with Login.  I can see having to check in with
    customs (usual for making a port of entry but Login?). This IS
    a strange new world but the more I thought about it, the more
    I began to realize what was happening to me.

        While I was thinking, the Login was probing me for my
    password.  What was it? I was in a state of shock by now and
    couldn't remember.  I could see a very large timer clock
    counting down 9,  8,  7, ...  It all of a sudden came to me!
    "XXXXXXXXX".  I blurted it out as the timer reached 2.
                   Almost disconnected!
    
        I saw a long stream of letters and numbers passing on my
    starbord side.  It said "Welcome to NANOOK of the North" along
    with a very very long system message.  Will it ever end?  I had
    to wait for two full screens worth. (Must talk to the system
    manager sometime.)  Nothing like waiting in I/O control at LEF.
    Then a very DCL looking fellow came by and asked for a command.
    This seemed odd but I replied by saying I wasn't sure of what I
    was doing and would like to note some stuff down.
     
        Notes! he said. If you want to get notes you'll have to
    be able to go faster then you are now, son.  I'ld suggest
    you raise your spinnaker so as to catch all available solar
    wind.  I hoisted my spinnaker jib and even though there
    was no wind to speek of, my jib ballooned out and found
    myself passing right thru to OFO router.  All of a sudden
    I find myself split up into packets and being collected
    back together in some really strange waters.  By a QUARK
    of fate I can see some familar names but don't recognize
    any faces.  Seems as though there's a party at Al's and
    everyone there is talking about their close encounters of
    a terminal kind and cluster marriages!  Sound's interesting
    for a single guy.  Think I'll dock up and join in on the
    conversation but all of a sudden a stream of uninterpertable
    bits start flying by and then the last message said:
    
                   "DISCONNECTED"!
              Thanks a bunch, Ma Bell.
    
    USRMMI

    It was almost two in the morning, and an ontological dilema loomed dark
    and harrowing on the network horizon. What would be the fate of the
    world? How can I help it? Are we born only to suffer and die, for the
    amusement of some higher beings? Are we gerbils in a cosmic cage? What
    will we do if they don't come down and clean out this cage that we've
    so cleverly fouled with our industrial droppings, all across the
    planet? And on and on...ONTOLOGY, PHILOSOPHY, RELIGION, SOAPBOX,
    HOLISTIC.  For hours, I had been seeking guidance from the Buddha of
    the network waters, but to know avail. Note after note, I searched, I
    wrote, I replied, and read some more. 
    
    Quietly. Peacefully. But frustration creeps in again, and I once again
    bang my head against a screen I call my own...calling for, asking for,
    begging for the network Buddha to come and help me. 
    
    	Some line noise...it must have been line noise.

        T~}KVi{i{99~}9:~?:Gi{Ai{TA  
    
    	But...hmm. I don't see that many capital letters in the line
    noise...and colons? Stripped out the usual garbage characters,
    refreshed the screen, and saw...TKV999::GATA. Tokyo, maybe? Could
    this be the one I've been seeking...the legendary network Buddha?
    
    	I heard what could only be described as an electronic chuckle...and
    I found myself swallowed by a microwave satellite link, stationed
    high over the pacific. The feeling was amazing...freeing...riding
    the tube of the microwave...but my thoughts were on who I was
    approaching. He was real! He had the answers! He had come to save
    me! The Buddha of the Network. 
    
    	I hit the screen of the satellite like diving into a great pool,
    and expected to be immediately reperated down to Japan...but it
    seemed that was not why I was brought there.
    
    	"Do you have any device drivers?"
    
    	"What?"
    
    	"I need a device driver, to reconfigure the repeater a bit, give us
    a little more room in here. nice view though, eh?" 
                                                       
    	"Who are you?" I asked, a bit disappointed. I had expected a
    grand figure, sitting peacefully on a throne, attended by gods,
    goddesses, and bodhisatvas of all shapes and sizes. Here we had
    a small, skinny man in a dirty robe with long hair watching repeater
    traffic through the satellites memory modules.
    
    	"Didn't you get my mail?"
    
    	"I got a node and username, but that's all before...what happened?"
    
    	"Oh, goddamn line noise. My name's Tath. You can call me Tath,
    anyway. Tath A. Gata. Badge number 0.
    
    	"So you're not the network Buddha?"
    
    	"What's the network Buddha?"
    
    	"The one with all the answers. The one with all the information
    in the world. The one who can do anything..."
    
    	He stopped his puttering, and looked at me, "What makes you
    think there is such a thing as this network Buddha you describe?"
    
    	"Oh, there has to be...there MUST be."
                                       
    	"You mean you BELIEVE there has to be. You WANT there to be.
    You are attached to the idea that your life is lacking something,
    so you construct a character who fullfills these fantasies, and
    say that it is real."
    
    	I didn't respond right away..."You're wearing a robe"
    
    	"And you're wearing socks. So?"
    
    	"Why did you bring me here?"
    
    	"To see if you had a device driver."
    
    	And shot through the microwave link again, and routed through
    nodes, and onto an ethernet, back though the phone lines, and SMACK
    into my familiar VT100...
    
    	No network Buddha? What did it all mean? 
    
    	And across the bottom of the EVE screen, came the message:
    
    Everything means something, and something means everything  --Tath
    

    
       I thought, I've gotta practice this net Zen surfing more. My brain
    hurts...
    
    	
    	Ed

    	Surf-cruising on the net had been alot of fun!  I'd really been
    riding some radical waves!  But then, it finally happened!  I had just
    cut into a nice micro-wave, my text-buffer which I had been using for a
    surfboard suddenly dissapeared!  I found myself tumbling inside this really
    gnarly curl without anything to stabilize myself with!  I finally fell
    into the net-coral and had pretty-much written myself off as a goner!

    	Luckily, a friendly electronic porpoise-like creature saw what was
    happening and dove in front of my fall and bounced me safely back onto
    shore!  I turned to thank the porpoise, and it made a little dolphin
    noise as it swam back into the electronic sea.  I watched and waved as
    it disappeared in the distance when I suddenly remembered that I no-longer
    had a surf-board!  How depressing!  These waves were definately too
    gnarly for body-surfing (especially with all that net-coral just waiting
    for me under the surface).
    
    	I began to walk along what seemed to be an endless beach of silicon
    as I looked for another text buffer to ride the micro-waves with, but all
    I could find were stray 0's and 1's which had washed-up on shore.  I kept
    wondering what it was that would have made my surfboard dissappear like
    that, but all I could come up with was a cleared bit in my ASTLVL (Asynch-
    ronous system trap) field.

    	I finally came to an inhabited beach with all sorts of idle processes
    busy tanning in the Light Emiting Diode rays as they waited in suspended-
    ready mode.  I was suspended too, but since I sunburn easily, I was using
    suspended-blocked mode.  I managed to get in on a beach-ball game for
    awhile; they were using a bit for a beach-ball, and the net was simply a
    two-dimensional array structure with stack pointers at either end for poles.
    
    	After a few games of beach-ball, I took a break to wander over and see
    if I could start-up a conversation with a particularly attractive looking
    beach-bunny with long dark hair who seemed to be handing out some sort of
    advertisements for something or another.  She smiled at me as she handed
    me one and I struggled for words to thank her but nothing seemed to be
    output from my mouth.  As I read over what seemed to be an advertisement
    for "Alice's Net-Surf Shop", I suddenly realized that I needed to make an
    I/O request before I could speak...

    	"Hi!"  I said finally, as she returned a "Hi!" back, "So, what's the
    deal, do you work at this surf shop, or what?"  I said, trying to seem
    interested in what she was doing without making my ulterior motives too
    well known,  "Well, I own it - if that's what you mean..." she answered,
    still smiling.  I was instantly embarrassed as I had never expected that
    such a beautiful young-looking girl would own her own shop!  "Oh! Pardon
    me!  You must be Alice then!  Glad to meet you, my name is davo!" I said,
    as she smiled back as if to say "I know...".

    	I began to get a strangely familiar feeling about this girl, but I
    couldn't quite piece together what it was about her that made me feel this
    way.  I continued to ask her about her shop, now convinced that I was going
    to do everything I could to help her sell surf-boards.  "Gee, if I had some
    money, I'd sure want to buy a surf-board from you!"  I said sheepishly,
    "We don't use money here in VAX-land, but if you had some bytes, then you'd
    be in business!"  she replied.
    
    	"Hmmmmm..." I pondered, "I wonder how I could get some bytes...do you
    suppose I could help you hand out those leaflets?"  I said as her eyes lit-
    up a little, "Well..." she pondered, looking at her watch, "I suppose I
    should be getting back to the shop, I suppose I could afford to pay you a
    few bytes if you hand the rest of these leaflets out for me." I gladly
    accepted her offer and took the stack of leaflets and began dashing around
    trying to hand them out to everyone, but it seemed that most people had
    already had one given to them.

    	I turned to see that Alice was still standing there watching me as I
    tried in vain to hand out these leaflets.  "You can use my surf-board if
    you'd like, just bring it back to the shop before 19:00 hours."  she told
    me, "Wow, thanks!" I said as I began admiring her board.  I couldn't help
    wondering how it cruised, so I hopped-on it to see what it rode like.  It
    was a little different than my previous board (somewhat smaller and in the
    shape of a letter "e"), and I was having trouble figuring out how to get
    it to do anything when suddenly I heard a familiar voice say "turn the ring
    around!"

    	I knew instantly that Alice was the same girl who had saved me from
    eternal boredom when I was stuck in my text file back when I first broke
    through into the system!  I turned to see her smiling face, but I also
    accidentally turned the ring and shot out of there so fast that my head
    was spinning.  As I took-off, I yelled back, "I'll meet you at the shop!"
    but I'm not sure whether she heard me or not.

    	Determined to spread the word about Alice's Net-Surf Shop, I raced
    through the network placing leaflets everywhere that I could think that
    there might be Net-Surfers hanging out.  I hit the amusement parks, the
    streets, the dungeons, the Net-Bars, and even a few business establishments
    until I finally ran out of leaflets and headed back to Alice's Net-Surf
    Shop.

    	When I had told her how far I had traveled, and how many different
    places I had been to hand out her leaflets, she became worried.  "I hope
    nobody get's mad that we've done such a large-scale marketing campaign"
    she said, as she explained that Net-Surfing is still sort-of frowned upon
    in certain circles, and that she wished that I had of been somewhat discrete
    about who I handed them out to.  So, back on the board I went running around
    to all the places I had left a notice and I managed to retrieve all but a
    handful of the notices before anyone really noticed them, but there was
    a group of people who spotted me and began yelling at the top of their
    lungs about something or another.

    	I returned to Alice's Net-Surf Shop, but it was after 19:00 hours, and
    she had already closed for the day!  Not knowing what to do, I began looking
    around for a place to put the board she had lent me.  I set it in an empty
    register around back, and started heading back to the beach for some more
    idle-processing when suddenly, an event occured, and I was stoped in front
    of the Net-Surf Shop by a dispatcher and was taken into custody by the Net-
    Police!  Seeing as how I was surrounded on all sides by control blocks, I
    decided not to load my argument pointer and went along peacefully in the
    bit-bus.

    	When I arrived at the CPU (Central Processing Unit), I was *ready* for
    anything.  I sat nervously awaiting my turn, and before long, I really felt
    like *running*!  I was escorted in to see Officer OP in a large office-room
    with alot of attending officers all standing around staring at me.  I sat
    down on a state table, and was informed of my access-rights.

    	Officer OP then proceeded to show me the series of 8 by 10 color
    glossy photographs taken at the scene of the Net-Crime complete with circles
    and arrows showing just where they had found the letter at the bottom of
    a large pile of text which had a letter with my process name clearly printed
    on it and since I had been identified at the scene of the Net-Crime, then
    I was the number one suspect in the biggest Net-Crime to hit Officer OP's
    desk in this century.

    	When asked if I had anything to do with this letter, I said "Yes
    Officer OP, I cannot tell a lie, I put that letter at the bottom of that
    textpile", and he then proceeded once again, to show me the whole series
    of 8 by 10 color glossy photographs with the circles and arrows showing
    just how I had perpetrated my Net-Crime, and then *suspended* my sentance
    on account of that fact that I didn't have any bytes to pay the fine, but
    on the agreement that I would clean-up that garbage and never do it again.


    							-davo

	After some thinking about this I have decided that this topic and
	it's replies really have nothing to do with the subject of this
	conference.  I would suggest creating a conference for this alone.
	Alot of people are getting annoyed about it and I really don't blame 
	them. Keeping this in its own conference would help that situation.
	

	Please, let's keep with the discussion of Science Fiction.

							mike
						a.k.a. Mr. Moderator

	...and with the sounds of tanks approaching, the Net-Surfers quickly
    paddled their boards out to sea, and disappeared over the rising wake -
    their last words were carved in the silicon sands along the beach...

	"You can delete our text, but our processes live on in VAX-Land!"