Conference noted::bicycle

    Thats a no win situation on all cases the first two depends if I am
    on the outside I can perhaps move over , if in the middle brake and
    just say AHHHH ! .  As far as #3 I don't think I could have any time 
    to think of how to fall , I have slid once into a truck and kicked 
    the front tire to deflect myself from going underneath , I have landed
    on my helmet twice now ,that naturally causes your body to tumble .
    On my last crash in the tract after a sprint was that way . The one
    racer comented how I rolled properly ,and I'm thinking I did? you wont
    know till you get there .Perhaps you can wear padding and try crashing
    on some grass . The only thing I really will try to live by are do not
    risk you life and limb at any cause if possible , and always wear a 
    good helmet . 
    regards

    Well I have been told that when you are going to crash put your head
    between your legs and pucker up.  Know really what I have been told is
    as soon as you start going down let the bike go and put your hands out
    in front of you and get on your tip e toes and slide on the palm of your
    hands and your tip e toes.  Yeah I know this sounds pretty unrealistic,
    hell every time I go down I dont even have time to put my legs around
    my head to well you know!  As for your scenarios,  I dont think there
    would be any way out.  Just yell YEEEEEEEE HAAAAAA and hope for the
    best.  Which is no broken frames or wheels or other compo's.
    OH YEAH,  or broken bones.  Cann't forget about the ole bod.

    
    Bunny Hop them!
    
    				Norm
    
    

    Re:-1 Hey I never thought of that.  Good answer Norm good Answer!
                                     Keep pedallin'
                                         Bob

    for some more reading on this subject, pls see note 1047.
    
    Crash?  Nahh!
    
    ed

     Buy a titanium frame... They make great plows and cut through crashed
    bodies and bikes like a hot knife through butter...
    
     Chip

    
    
    
      But there must be some text book answers

       
    
      RE: Bunny hop them.
    
      This is a suprisingly good desparation method.  A lot of people go
    down simply because they get into a tight situation and touch wheels.
    There is absolutely no reason to crash when this happens.  I have seen
    other people touch wheels in very bad situations and simply ride out of
    it.  They kept a cool head and simply let the bike ride through.
    I have personaly touched wheels during high speed cornering and have
    even managed to lock handlebars during the same situation.  I just
    stayed calm and rode through it.(I paniced afterward when it was safe)
      I have also ridden over fallen people and bicycles when I had no
    other choice.  You don't make a conscious decision to do these things.
    you just have to ride it out, rely on the bike handling skills that you
    have been developing for all these years and hope for the best.  
    
       Then when you have survived the crash its very important to look
    back and say wow! that must have looked great! :-)
    
    John C.
    

    look back and say wow! that must have looked great! Who got the
    pictures?
    
    :-)
    
    ed
    

    I just pop ET out of the basket in the front of my racer and
    fly over them.
    
    Brian

    
    
      Ed - I see you've done it before.
    
      ;-)
      John C.
    

    Best way to handle a potential crash situation ... as John Crane
    implied, you must be calm and confident that you can 'bike handle'
    you way out of the situation. The only way to develop skill and
    confidence is to practice the skill (such as riding on grass & practice
    kissing wheels, practice 'thump & bump' banging into each other,
    locking handlebars, etc.)  This is what the USCF teaches in the
    5-day development camps. I also believe mental preparedness is
    important; i.e. before a crit you may say to yourself "I'll be in some
    tight situations, may touch a wheel, may bump elbows in a corner -- but
    I have the skill, strength, and confidence to keep myself up". i.e.
    be aware of situations that may happen, and focus on the way you will
    correctly react (if you focus on how you will crash, then you WILL
    crash).
    
    If a pileup happens in front of you and there is no avoiding fallen
    riders ... bunnyhop.  Remember, the neck is often the lowest path
    over the obstacle!  (just kidding!!!!)
      
    Regards,
    Mark 

    One thing when the pack is going down, is who to land on. if there 
    there are body around land on them, it is much a easier fall on them,
    then the ground.
    
    
    
    Mike

    
    A timely note... less than 24 hours ago, 40 miles into Sunday's
    Sandhills Solstice Century, a dog ran out in front of us on a
    downhill grade.  I was riding nearest the shoulder; there was a
    rider to my left and one behind (with some separation).  The road
    was wet; it was misty; we were probably in the low-to-mid 20's (mph).
    
    I didn't feel I could safely manoeuvre, so did the simple thing 
    and carried on.  (This occurred in a very short time - around a
    second or two).  The dog was not fast enough, and got broadsided.
    The peloton said I did a very graceful total flip. I separated from
    the bike, and landed mainly on the muddy shoulder (which was fine
    with me) - only a bruised hip and shin, no damage to the bike or
    clothing, just mud everywhere.  The dog retired from combat for 
    the day, I'm told.
    
    RE: previous notes - I thought there was a chance I could "ride
    through it" - e.g., by glancing off the dog, but he was squarely
    perpendicular to my path.  
    
    No special lessons to be learned (except the helmet helped!) ...
    though it did seem like my MTB "endo" from October was good training
    in hanging loose and landing gracefully.  
    
    (The rest of the century proceeded without excitement. :-))
    
    -john

    
    
    
          Thanks Everyone, and keep those replies coming; hopefully this is
    not the end. John thanks for the research and lab work and how injured
    was the dog?

    
    Wayne, the dog apparently scampered up the hill, probably bruised,
    but not injured as far as the other riders could tell.

    
    RE: .14
    
    	John,  you missed the perfect opportunity to test my bunny hop
    theory.  
    
    							Norm
    
    

    Bunny hop?  I thought the animal was a dog.

    
    Norm, 
    
    Hmmm... I like the idea of a bunny-dog-hop!  :-)
    
    -john (whose hipline hematoma is deflating a bit, but whose
           seemingly every other muscle is sore today)

    Oh, no!  A Hipline Hematoma!  I had one of those that took over
    a year to disappear.
    
    ed

    
    
    Yikes, I still have the scars from a three pointer...elbow, hip,
    knee...in that order.  Those Hipline Hematomas SMART!
    
    Steve

Article 3183 of rec.humor.funny:
Path: nntpd.lkg.dec.com!pa.dec.com!decwrl!looking!funny-request
From: [email protected] (Peter Hickey)
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: A smooth talker
Keywords: original, true, chuckle
Message-ID: <[email protected]>
Date: 26 Dec 91 11:30:04 GMT
Organization: U. of Ottawa
Lines: 36
Approved: [email protected]

A few years ago, while riding home from school on my bicycle,
I had a bit of a problem;  a pedal broke, the shaft cut an
artery in my leg, lots of blood, police, the ambulance, etc.

After the sewed me up at the hospital, I wanted to call my
wife to come to pick me up.  My problem was how to gently
break it to her that I was in the hospital, so that she
wouldn't get worried.   I knew how to do it, and the conversation
went like this:

	"Hi, Jackie, I'm a bit late today.  I had a problem
	 with my bicycle.  Could you pick me up?"

	"What happened?"

	"My Pedal broke."

	"Where are you?"

	"Well, I cut my leg when it broke, and I decided to
	 stop at the hospital to let a doctor look at it."

(Pretty good, eh.  She wouldn't get worried by that.  I was congratulating
myself on being so smooth, when I got caught with an unexpected
question which I answered honestly.)

	"Which hospital?"

	"I don't know, there weren't any windows in the ambulance."

Panic set in.  I blew it.

--
Selected by Brad Templeton.  MAIL your joke (jokes ONLY) to [email protected].
If you post instead of mailing, it screws up the reply-address sometimes.
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  A Daemon will auto-reply.

    
    Well, thanks for the sympathy (I think :-)).  This is a dramatic
    looking development: it is the size of a half-grapefruit, making
    me to appear to have a "love handle" on one side.  Also, right now
    it is a purple sploch the size of a large pancake and shaped like
    Madagascar, or maybe Bermuda.
    
    It is amazing that this bump, plus the cut on the shin, and the 
    dime-sized abrasion on the left arm occurred with *no* damage to 
    the intervening clothes (whew!).
    
    -john

Stop it, guys! You're making my groin hurt!  (Sympathetic reaction, you know.)
 :-).

Patrick.

    Hey, Patrick.  Nice node!
    
    ed

�'Course, mine matches my license plate...

So does mine!  (Colorado)

Patrick

    re - .14

    Being a witness to this sensational crash - ie. rider on the left...

    In all fairness, the dog hesitated at the side and then shot out across
    from the left with a burst of speed.  I remember saying something like,
    "...he's coming out." It seemed as though he might stall.  We were side
    by side, being on the drops I touched my rear brake and watched as John
    hit the dog head-on.  After I realized the dog was coming across, I
    figured one of us might hit it.  John is right, it couldn't have been
    more than a second or two. 

    After the crash, the dog was nowhere to be found!

>    (The rest of the century proceeded without excitement. :-))

    Not even watching my suffering increase with each succeeding mile 
    that was clicked off?

    john

    
    Welcome back, John!
    
    Yes, John Shortt was a valued member of the ride (an even longer
    commute than Ed Fisher made, since he came from Burlington VT).
    
    He performed quite credibly, concealing whatever suffering he
    was enduring well enough to give me a good workout!  :-)
    
    -john

    
    I spent all last year cycling to & from my Poly, about 15 miles a day. 
    Unfortunately I used to start off every day at the bottom of a steep
    incline & through not warming up properly ended up damaging my Achilles
    tendon. What this reply is all about though, is that during my
    rehabilitation I got a 3 roller turbo trainer & can honestly say that
    exiting one of these contraptions at 20 odd MPH whilst wearing cleats
    is definately not a good idea, especially in the kitchen...
    
    Bruised of Burnley...
    

    
    It's arguable that one of the greatest benefits of rollers for the
    racer is that they harden nerves (figuratively) and hone your powers
    of concentration extraordinarily.
    
    -john

    After rollers, one can tolerate heavy traffic...

     From VeloNews (Volume 21, Number 1, Page 7):



     Black Bear Pile-up



     "Bikers collide with bear" read the improbably-sounding headline of

     the October 4 issue of THE CLOCK, a student newspaper of Plymouth (New

     Hampshire) State College.  And sure enough, the details were all

     there:  Two local riders, Greg Peruzzi and Chris Gadbois, had been out

     on a training ride and were descending a hill, when a black bear

     jumped over the guardrail and into the road - directly in from of the

     speeding duo.  With no time to react, Peruzzi and Gadbois slammed into

     the giant animal and went flying.  "I saw the bear, turned left and

     hit the hear behind the head," recalled Gadbois.



     Fortunately for the cyclist, the bear - estimated by police to weigh

     500 pounds - didn't return to finish the job, and fled into the woods.

     Peruzzi and Gadbois required hospitalization or multiple injuries, and

     Peruzzi's bike suffered heavy damage.  A final twist:  Both riders'

     tires were perforated by bear hair!"

Re: -1

That reminds me of the time when I was touring the Canadian Maritimes.  While 
climbing Cape North (1459' in 4.5 miles), I was turning a corner and almost 
ran right into a bear.  I did the quickest turn around and stormed down that 
hill.  After regaining my composure, I realized that I had to REclimb that d*mn
hill (sans bear).

Eric

    
    	RE::Chrashing,
    
    		Do some MTB'ing and you will learn how to chrash.
    Also, consider taking a Judo course or something similar where
    you learn to fall correctly.
    
    	Roger

      I just had an interesting ride home on my MTB last Friday.  The usual 
    PM thunderstorm was in my way and I decided to race it.  During the
    morning ride I had managed to coat my bike in a muddy/clay mix that
    even after 30 minutes of scraping at lunch, the tires still had lots
    of gunk stuck in the tread pattern.  That contributed to what happened
    next.  
    
      Charging along and keeping my head low to minimize resistance from
    the headwind, my tires dropped off the asphalt lip to the cement curb,
    where a drainage ditch hogged part of the bike lane.  I quickly corrected 
    to get back on the asphalt. The front tire made it over, the rear tire 
    did not and suddenly slid sideways.  
    
      In one ofthose life enhancing nanoseconds, my bike smashed to the 
    ground and I somehow popped out of my clipless pedals and found myself 
    sliding on my feet across the wet asphalt.  The metal cleats made this 
    possible.
    
      Then I had to quick step to prevent a forward tumble, followed by
    another slide.  I was going to fast too run to a stop. Slip - Step -
    Slip - Step until I had to jump a curb, run through some mud and stop
    on a sidewalk.  Looking back, my bike was a good 25 yards away !
    
      Talk about road dancing, I am sure passing motorists got a real
    performance.  No damage to me, scratches on the bike.

    
    	Once I found out you were OK, I would have been laughing my
    	private parts off after seeing that one.
    
    	8^)
    

    
    	Cool.....  do your cleats still work?
    
    	Mike
    

    hey, new event maybe? glad you're okay.
    
    Chip